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    09 Jan DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

    Posted at 19:19h in by
    0 Likes

    Dear Rabbi and Shira,
    I don’t know what to do! I’m 21, have returned from seminary and have completed 2 years of college.. My parents, friends and family are all pressuring me to
    start dating, but I don’t feel as though I’m ready. Discussions with my mother usually deteriorate into her crying and telling me that I’ll end up alone, with a bunch
    of cats. This gets me very nervous and then I start crying as well. However, I still do not know what I want to do when I grow up, ,my parents have no way to help
    me and I perosnalluy do not feel emotionally ready to get married. How can I start dating when I’m such a mess? What should I do?
    -Not dating in Kensington

    Dear “Not Dating”,
    Hi, it’s definitely a difficult position
    to be in, when those around you are
    pressuring you to do something that
    you feel unready to do. Oftentimes
    big goals seem to be out of reach and
    the thought of reaching them can be
    overwhelming. The Gemara (Shabbos
    43b) makes the fascinating statement
    that a person loses their eyesight when
    they have psia gasa, (trying step too far
    at any given time). One explanation of
    this statement is that taking things in a

    natural progression, allows you to reach
    your goal, without losing sight of it.
    You began by listing some of the
    reasons why you feel that you aren’t
    ready to date. Can you create a list of the
    benchmarks when you feel you would
    be ready? Create clear definable goals
    in each category. What educational and
    career components do you feel you need
    to have achieved? What other personal/
    wellness goals do you feel you lack?
    What will it take to get there?
    Discuss with your parents the stress

    that this is putting on you. Explain your
    concerns and share your benchmarks
    and plan with them. Remind them that
    while getting marriage is a goal, feeling
    ready and making the correct choice so
    that you stay married is an even more
    important goal.
    If the stresses are becoming
    unmanageable, making you unable to
    function in your day to day schedule,
    we highly recommend you speak with
    a therapist.
    Hatzlacha Raba
    Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.