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    Dear Rabbi and Shira,
    Thanks for your column, I read it every week. Maybe you can help me with a problem that I’m having. Since I came home from
    Yeshiva, I have been in a constant disagreement with my parents about dating. They feel that I should just meet a girl at shul or
    shabbos meal or activity and ask them out to the movies or something , and I want to meet someone through a shadchan. I recently
    was dating a girl who wanted to go to a jazz bar. Totally not my speed. So I told the Shadchan no. I’m a little stuck on how to tell
    my parents that I decided not to go out again with her, even though when they had asked me previously I said I would go out again
    with her. If I say I didn’t want to go to a jazz bar, this will cause a big fight. They’ll say I’m too picky and should have met her in
    the jazz bar to begin with.
    – Sincerely, How do I tell my parents

    Dear “How do I tell”,
    Thanks for reading our column and for writing
    in! It is always hard when your parents are “on
    a different page” than you, especially in dating.
    It’s positive at least that you are having some
    conversation with them and that they do deeply
    care about you and your future. First, you can
    tell them simply, it didn’t work out. That’s a very
    ambiguous answer. If they press further, you
    can express that in conversation it came out that
    you really weren’t so compatible on a number of
    important issues.

    It might be a great conversation to have to
    profoundly and respectfully thank your parents
    for everything they’ve done in raising you and
    explaining that you understand that they have your
    best concerns in mind. The root of this fight comes
    from their love of you, and desire to see you thrive.
    They very possibly met at a jazz bar or at a kiddush,
    and life was that much simpler then. It is possible
    that you might, in the future, meet someone at an
    oneg or the like.
    You can also explain that while people do meet
    in other settings, for the time being, you’d like

    to date via a matchmaker. The reason is that the
    social circles and crowd you feel most compatible
    and comfortable with date in this way as well.
    There might come a time when this could change.
    Ultimately, it is the Master of All Shidduchim
    who indeed calls the shots, and you should daven
    that you meet them shortly, and for the words to
    find a common language with your parents around
    this issue.
    Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.