29 Oct Dating and Relationship Advice

I don’t know what to do! I’m dating a guy who I totally adore his personality but cannot deal with his disorderliness. I come from a family where everything thing has a place, and we show up to any appointment five minutes early. My boyfriend is always a half an hour late, and his car looks like it has every wrapper from every snack since last pesach. What should I do? I don’t know if I can live like this.

–Don’t want to live the Slob Life

Dear Slob Life,

Hi. So sorry to hear about your problem.

This can be a complicated situation. Have you discussed this with him in a respectful way? What was the result? Is he willing to try to change? Is this the way he was raised? Is there something else going on in his life that prevents him from being more organized and timely or is this just his nature?

On one hand, if this is a core value and is too difficult for you to deal with, then you might simply be incompatible and it might be best to break off the relationship before it gets more serious. At the same time, maybe you could consider the fact that you and your future will inevitably find things that will rub eachother the wrong way.

The question is, how do you navigate the tricky spots; to understand and laugh at your differences. Sometimes, it requires unpacking the expectations that the both of you have. You woll hear eachothers dreams, conconcerens, expectations and that will enable you to grow closer together as a couple. What are the steps that the both of you can take toward each other?

Ultimately, you have to decide if this is a make it or break it situation. The dating process helps to clarify your compatibility, not just beliefs, attitudes and how attractive you are to each other, but also if you can learn to work together to become a unit.

Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack