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    04 Jun DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

    Posted at 17:05h in by
    0 Likes

    Dear Rabbi and Shira,
    Hi. I’m a weekly reader of your column. I figured this was the right place to ask my question. On my friend’s very first
    date, she got in a fight with the person she was set up with. It got so bad that he pulled over on one of the service roads
    of Ocean Parkway and demanded she get out of the car. While there are scarier possibilities that could have happened, I
    started to wonder what are “best practices” that one should utilize while dating.
    -Seeking Safety in Brooklyn

    Dear Seeking Safety,
    This is an important conversation to have. As
    much as we like to assume that everyone is going
    to be respectful of boundaries and date in the
    healthiest way, we should always exercise care
    in how we date and interact to ensure everyone’s
    safety.
    Trust your intuition- Your mind is processing
    and scanning all the time, and sometimes will pick
    up on cues that something is not safe. If you feel
    something is off, it probably is.
    Stand your ground- If a request to do something,
    makes you uncomfortable, express it. If the

    question being asked is inappropriate, you don’t
    have to answer it. It might be uncomfortable
    especially if you don’t know the person well, but
    you’re are entitled to stick to your principles.
    Keep contact- Let your family know where you
    are and where you are going. Make sure your cell
    phone is fully charged before you leave for your
    date.
    Date in a public place, where there are plenty of
    people. A good litmus test can be- is this location
    and situation appropriate to the laws of yichud?
    These laws were created to ensure that when
    there is a meeting between two people, there are

    plenty of witnesses and people are less likely to act
    inappropriately.
    Open your own beverages, don’t share or
    exchange drinks, don’t drink anything which
    tastes unusual. As stated above, most people are
    nice, normal and respectful, but always be vigilant.
    Get home safe- If you are the person who is
    driving home, make sure that your date gets into
    their home safely. If they drop you off, make sure
    that they arrive home safely.
    Good luck and stay safe.
    Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.