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    30 Jul DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

    Posted at 22:51h in by
    0 Likes

    Dear Rabbi and Shira,
    I was dating a guy for 3 months, and I fell hard for him. We had common goals, and enjoyed speaking about all things
    pre-law. We spoke night and day, and had a magic present, which is hard to describe After three months, he dumped me.
    I understand why he wasn’t right for me, but now, a year later I’m dating a wonderful young man who I care about, we
    share common interests, but that “spark” is not there. What should I do? I feel like I might be missing out on a different
    great guy just because of something that I can’t quite put my finger on.
    -Sparkless in Brooklyn

    Hi Sparkless!
    We’d like you to do a mental exercise. Can
    you close your eyes and think about both of
    these young men. Think about what was it
    that excited you about this first guy? Was he
    more attractive physically than your current
    boyfriend, how so? Were there familial/
    cultural factors which you found attractive,
    what were they? How much time are you
    spending with your current boyfriend, is
    that different? Are you seeing your current
    boyfriend too much? Are you seeing him too
    little? Are you excited to be with him or are

    you relieved when you are not with him?
    Also, we’d like you to consider the following
    thought. Is it possible you are more on
    guard after the last incident, and are afraid
    of “letting someone get close again?”

    Sometimes, after a “let-down”, we are “on-
    guard” not to let the same thing happen

    again. You could be worrying that he could
    at any moment dump you, just like the last
    guy. One more alternative, maybe you are
    comparing too much. Maybe you are asking
    yourself if your experience will ever be as
    good as it was with your ex.

    Of course, there simply might not be the
    chemistry between the two of you, despite
    shared interests.
    It’s normal to be a little on edge, or doubtful
    about the future, but if you find yourself
    unable to open up again and let your guard
    down; you might consider speaking with a
    professional to learn to trust again.
    Good Luck!
    Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.