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    20 Aug DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

    Posted at 16:00h in by
    0 Likes

    Dear Rabbi and Shira ,
    Hi, I enjoy your column in the Jewish & Country Vues, and read it weekly. I have a situation that I would love your
    input. I recently went out with a guy who I matched with on an app. We had a good chemistry. However, he just told
    me at the end that he’s not shomer shabbos, he says “he’s trying it out, and coming back to it.” I am Shomer Shabbos,
    and never thought this would be an option, I wouldn’t have gone out if I had known, but now that we’ve gone out, what
    should I do? He seemed sincere about it…
    A Glitch in the App?

    Dear Glitch,
    Hi. Thanks for writing in. What an interesting
    story! People are so dynamic, and able to
    change. We have so much potential and when
    we actualise it, we can never really understand
    how far a person can go. All this being said, we
    don’t think it’s a good idea to continue seeing
    him until he figures himself out. While he’s
    “trying it out” he might not like it and decide
    to cease keeping shabbos again. This will only
    make it harder to break it off, as you’ll have
    even more of a connection.

    You might ask, but wait, can’t people change?
    Shouldn’t I give him the benefit of the doubt?
    Dan L’kaf Zchus? This is not how you have a
    relationship to build your future household.
    When a value is fundamental in your life, it’s
    something you want to see in your home, your
    children’s homes and your grandchildren’s
    homes. Shabbos is such a value that it
    impacts how we think about time, finances
    (not working for 25 hours when you own a
    business is tough, and buying food for two to
    three festive meals a week is an expense) and
    it impacts our lives in so many different ways.

    At the moment, interpersonal chemistry and
    attraction might make us think that this is not
    such a big deal. Either they’re growing and
    will become shomer shabbos or they say they
    will keep shabbos for me. This is a recipe for
    disaster. It could work out ok, or it could be
    that they’ll reject it all, resent it, and turn your
    kids off from it.
    Once he figures it out, and if he’s is a great
    guy, you guys can try it again.
    Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack