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    27 Aug DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

    Posted at 17:15h in by
    0 Likes

    Dear Rabbi and Shira,
    I met the man of my dreams. Everything was going smoothly until we got engaged. Our parents met to divide financial
    responsibilities for the wedding. They agreed to split charges for the wedding equally. Suddenly, my future in-laws booked
    a hall without telling my parents, and it is outside of their price range. When they went back to my future in laws to tell
    them they are upset, my in-laws wouldn’t hear a word if it, and kept saying that both parties agreed to 50/50. My parents
    are understandably furious, and now I’m caught in the middle. I told my Chassan what is going on. He understands why
    we are all so upset but explains that his parents are very strong minded individuals and that he does not have the power
    to change their minds. This whole situation is causing us to fight. I am not sure what to do in this scenario.
    -Caught in the middle

    Dear “Caught in the middle” We’re sorry you
    are caught in the middle of this. It is always
    difficult when people who you care for fight. We
    have seen several relationships where the couple
    ended up breaking up because they were drawn
    into the financial planning of the wedding. The
    first piece of advice we can give you is get out
    of the middle. Tell them “I love and respect you
    both, but it’s not good for my relationship with
    you, or with my chasan to be in the middle of
    this.”

    Remember, while this is your wedding, unless
    the two of you are paying for it, it unfortunately
    has less to do with you than you think. So
    reframe, despite the fact that there are things
    that are upsetting you about the arrangements,
    it will soon be over. Tell your parents you do
    not want to hear them complaining about
    you in laws as this puts a lot of stress on your
    relationship. Similarly, the engagement is only
    short portion of your relationship
    Another point though to consider are your

    future in laws. When you marry your spouse,
    you usually marry into the whole family. If you’re
    noticing a lot of duplicitous or out of bounds
    behavior, you’ll need to have a discussion with
    your Chasan. It will be necessary to decide
    how you will present as a family unit together,
    discussing boundaries, and planning responses
    to the situations that will arise. We wish you a
    lot of Hatzlacha! Mazal Tov!
    Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.