30 Sep DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
In high school we were told that when we start dating, never to talk to friends about it for multiple
reasons such as it can cause jealousy or it’s nobody’s business but your own. Sometimes, however, I
feel like I need to talk to a friend as opposed to a parent or shadchan. What is your opinion on this
matter? Is it proper to talk about your dates?
-Seeking Friendly Advice

Dear Seeking,
There’s an old adage,
that a secret is something
that you tell one person at
a time. In a culture where
after a couple of dates, the
relationship is over or very
serious what’s the point of
letting anyone else know
about it? Gossip can spread like wildfire.
For that matter, the topic of dating is very
stressful, as many people have long dry spells

between dates. This can lead to thoughts,
“Why is she getting dates, and I’m not?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
There is a difference between speaking
about dates, and seeking advice. We would
caution you to be careful about whom you
are asking for advice as the previous concerns
could still apply. We would advise you to
make sure that whomever you are speaking
to, understands that they should keep your
business private, and has your best interest in
mind. Moreover, we would also caution you

not to seek advice from
people who are not
experienced nor knowledgeable in the field
that you are asking about. If you have a friend
that meets the criteria above, we find that it
can be very helpful to seek advice from her as
she may have some great insights If you want
to maintain some privacy you could simply
omit the name of the person you are dating.
Hatzlacha Rabah,
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack