14 Oct DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
I’m hoping you can help me. I have been friends with this guy for the past few years. We get along well and I have
strong feelings for him. The problem is that though he “adores” me as a friend, he just doesn’t see our relationship as
anything more than a friendship.
I see real potential but he won’t give “us” a chance.
Do I have a chance? Is there something I can do to convince him? If not, how do I let go and get over him? I’ve tried
when he originally rejected me the but it’s hopeless. -Still Hopeful in Brooklyn?

Dear Still Hopeful.
It’s time to let go. He is not interested in being
your boyfriend, just your friend. While we are big
proponents of “you never know;” if he isn’t interested,
then very little is going to change his mindset. Maybe,
at a later point in your dating lives, if the both of you
are still available, then you can revisit it. For the time
being it looks like this door is closed.
We know you were hoping for a different outcome.
Sadly, you cannot control the way other people feel
about you. The only variable you can control is to
change your reactions and action plan. You can stay
chained to this one-sided relationship or set yourself
free for a better one.

We think it is probably best for you to end this
friendship. You are confusing friendship with a possible
marriage. You think this could be the beginning of a
lifelong relationship; however, he doesn’t see you as
anything more than a friend. As long as you remain
in this friendship, you will find yourself confused
between the two. You might feel afraid to end this
relationship for fear of losing your “chance.” Upsetting
the status quo is scary. Leaving what you’re used to
and comfortable will be uncomfortable. However, you
cannot continue the relationship this way.
There will be times that you’ll feel sad and lonely
that this friendship has ended. You’ll doubt that you
made the right decision. Don’t let that fear hold you
back. When you are upset, try to bring yourself into

the present moment. The present is where life happens.
The present is the key to your future.
Begin speaking with shadchanim or accepting
matches on the platform of your choice. Once the
world goes back to normal more, consider going out to
some singles events.
The first steps might be the hardest but at this point
it’s time to shut the door with this boy and open the
next door to new opportunities. You are the one who
has the key to unlock your future.
We wish you hatzlacha in opening the door to your
new life,
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.