11 Mar DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira ,
I’m not sure what to do. My husband does not want to take my boys to our shuls main shul megilla reading.
He said he has done it in the past and he can’t fulfill the mitzvah with the noise that’s going on. He said that
the people keep talking and the noise gets even worse at the “hamans.” and then he misses large parts of the
Megillah. What should I do? I told him Purim is a holiday for the kids and he disagrees. He says it’s really
serious and the most important thing is for us to hear the Megillah, not the kids?
-Can you help us have a freilichin Purim?

Dear “Help us Have a Freilichin Purim”,
Sorry to hear Purim is causing so much stress.
The way we understand it, we can isolate two different
sets of expectations present. You want your children to
experience a lively megillah reading and your husband
wants to hear the megilla and fulfill his obligation. While
there are aspects of the Purim holiday that are child
friendly and fun, there are also aspects of the holiday
that are obligations which require fulfillment. For
everyone to get the most out of the day, communication
is vital.
First, we’d like to zoom out to discuss the topic in
general. Is this the first time this kind of conflict is
emerging? Why is this discussion happening now? How
are discussions of halacha, practice and your children’s
education usually resolved in your house? Is there

discussion and communication of expectations? Or
does everyone carry their expectations without sharing
them and then get upset when things aren’t the way they
would like and expect?
Is there a way to compromise? In many shuls there are
multiple minyanim, earlier, later, noisier and quieter.
Is it possible to make alternative arrangements? Can
he take the boys to the earlier one and then later go
to one himself? Perhaps there’s a children’s activity or
presentation that is concurrent to the minyan he’d like
to go to, so they can have a meaningful experience, even
without going to an actual reading. When you think
about it, the Megilla reading can be very long, especially
after the novelty of making noise for the first five to ten
Hamans has worn off.
Another suggestion is that perhaps the children don’t
need to attend a reading until they’re old enough to

sit quietly with
your husband.
The children
can experience
the joy of the
holiday in
another way, such as delivering mishloach manos,
attending purim parties.
Purim is a day with so much potential. We hope you
and your husband will be able to utilize it to the greatest
impact on you and your family.
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack