28 Oct DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
I don’t know what to do! I’m dating a guy who I totally adore his personality
but cannot deal with his disorderliness. I come from a family where everything
thing has a place, and we show up to any appointment five minutes early.
My boyfriend is always a half an hour late, and his car looks like it has every
wrapper from every snack since last pesach. What should I do? I don’t know
if I can live like this.
-Don’t want to live the Slob Life

Dear Slob Life,
Hi. So sorry to hear about your problem.
This can be a complicated situation. Have you
discussed this with him in a respectful way? What
was the result? Is he willing to try to change? Is
this the way he was raised? Is there something else
going on in his life that prevents him from being
more organized and timely or is this just his nature?
On one hand, if this is a core value and is too
difficult for you to deal with, then you might simply
be incompatible and it might be best to break off

the relationship before it gets more serious. At the
same time, maybe you could consider the fact that
you and your future will inevitably find things that
will rub eachother the wrong way.
The question is, how do you navigate the tricky
spots; to understand and laugh at your differences.
Sometimes, it requires unpacking the expectations
that the both of you have. You woll hear eachothers
dreams, conconcerens, expectations and that will
enable you to grow closer together as a couple.
What are the steps that the both of you can take

toward each other?
Ultimately, you have to decide if this is a make it
or break it situation. The dating process helps to
clarify your compatibility, not just beliefs, attitudes
and how attractive you are to each other, but also
if you can learn to work together to become a unit.
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.