24 Feb DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira, I am a lady in my late 20s, and I would very much like to get married.
Baruch Hashem, I come from a wonderful family, but for some reason I’m not receiving calls with shidduch suggestions. My parents feel
terrible and try their best, they call friends and people in shul to ask if anyone has a suitable shidduch. Still, nothing really seems to be
moving. In our family, we don’t attend singles Shabbatonim or mixed events, so that option isn’t available to me. What would you suggest
I do? ~ Marriageable in Marine Park

Dear Marriageable in Marine Park,
We’re sorry to hear that you’re having such an issue.
To leave “no stone unturned” we’re going to look at the
issue from several different perspectives.
First, if you are utilizing the “only shidduchim” route,
you should make sure to “cast the net wide.” Make sure
that you are on people’s minds. Showing up in different
places and making conversation when your parents have
friends and family over keeps you on people’s radar.
Ensure that “people who know people” are aware that
you are seeking a shidduch, speak with married friends,
teachers and Rebbeim. You are your best advocate. Meet
Shadchanim, especially ones who don’t know people
you know, this makes your social circle much larger.
Second, think about your friends. If you went out with
someone who wasn’t good for you, consider if they
might be relevant for someone you know, and suggest

to the Shadchan. We know the Rashi (Bereshis 21:1)
quoting the Midrash shows that it is a source of blessing
when you help someone with something that you need
for yourself.
Third, there are different initiatives around, which are
not big singles coed Shidduch events but smaller meals
with an equal number of single men and women. If
someone interests you, you can follow up with the host.
Message us to put you in touch.
Fourth, you also might need to consider at what point
you would go to such an event. Even though your family
might not have attended such events in the past, it could
be that under certain circumstances you might need to
amend the policy. Not all events are created equal, and
not all are the right type of event for you. The attendees
have to be the right fit for you, the correct type of
people you’d be interested in dating and atmosphere of
the event itself. .

However, they do present another opportunity to meet
people, as opposed to feeling gridlocked and stuck.
Fifth, in the meanwhile, stay active, make sure you
develop your interests, careers, hobbies and spend time
with friends. Nothing is more harmful to one’s self
concept than sitting home waiting for the phone to ring.
Sixth of course, it’s very important to Daven. The
Gemara (Nida 70b ) asks, what should a person do
when they need something? Put in your efforts and then
speak to the One Who possesses all of the Results you
are looking for.
Hatzlacha Rabba,
Please Keep in Touch,
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack