02 Aug Dating and Relationship Advice

Dear Rabbi and Shira, In high school we were told that when we start dating, never to talk to friends about it for multiple reasons such as it can cause jealousy or it’s nobody’s business but your own. Sometimes, however, I feel like I need to talk to a friend as opposed to a parent or shadchan. What is your opinion on this matter? Is it proper to talk about your dates?                                                                                                                       -Seeking Friendly Advice

Dear Seeking, There’s an old adage, that a secret is something that you tell one person at a time. In a culture where after a couple of dates, the relationship is over or very serious what’s the point of letting anyone else know about it? Gossip can spread like wildfire. For that matter, the topic of dating is very stressful, as many people have long dry spells between dates. This can lead to thoughts, “Why is she getting dates, and I’m not?” “What’s wrong with me?” There is a difference between speaking about dates, and seeking advice. We would caution you to be careful about whom you are asking for advice as the previous concerns could still apply. We would advise you to make sure that whomever you are speaking to, understands that they should keep your business private, and has your best interest in mind. Moreover, we would also caution you not to seek advice from people who are not experienced nor knowledgeable in the field that you are asking about. If you have a friend that meets the criteria above, we find that it can be very helpful to seek advice from her as she may have some great insights If you want to maintain some privacy you could simply omit the name of the person you are dating. 

Hatzlacha Rabah Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack