07 Aug Dating and Relationship Advice

Dear Rabbi and Shira, 

I have been dating a guy for 2 months now. We really get along well, but I am curious to meet his family. I feel like meeting his family is very important to understanding my boyfriend completely, as family plays an integral part of his life. Whenever I bring it up to him or even my own family, they understand whay I am saying but explain that it’s only appropriate to meet them, once an engagement is imminent. I am frustrated by this answer and I am not sure how to proceed. What do you advice? 

-“Lady in waiting?”

Dear “Lady” 

Hi, so glad to hear that things are progressing. You are right when you that you want to meet his family so you can understand him better. We are all products of our environment and seeing where he comes from can definitely help you to understand him and his world. You may discover how they solve problems, how they react under stress and understand more about family’s culture is. But sometimes there are cultural norms surrounding “meeting the parents.” In order to understand the situation more fully, we’d like you to ask some questions in order to proceed. Who is telling you “we don’t meet the boy’s family?” Can you ask, them, politely “what is the source of this practice?” Is this part of a custom in your community? Is this something which requires speaking to a Rav, Rebbitzen, mentor or Shadchan? If not, discuss with your “guy” whether he has any objections to you meeting his family. If he does, what are they and why? Has he met your family, how was it? The answers to these questions will help you navigate the situation. Hopefully learn more about him, his family, yourself and your relationship. Hatzlacha Rabah!

Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack