30 Sep Dating and Relationship Advice

Hi! I enjoy reading your column each week and I was wondering if you had any advice for me. I am in my mid twenties with no propsects insights. The issue is that I want to make Aliyah after I get married and the guys that I being redt to don’t. Everyone says I’m being too picky and I should give up my aliyah dream and settle down here. I really believe that Israel is where I belong , after all don’t we daven for it every day? The problem is I’m scared to go at it alone. Do you feel that I am being too picky?

–Libi bamizrach in Brooklyn

Thanks for writing!

Since the time Hashem told Avraham Avinu Lech L’cha, the pull of Eretz Yisrael has pulled at our hearts in different ways. The tricky part is to make sure that you land softly in Israel. There is a custom to wish Olim Chadashim a “Klita tova” meaning that you should be absorbed well into the land and people of Israel.

The first issue to clairy for yourself is where your desire to make aliyah is in your list of priorities. Do a “values clarification.” What is the life that you’d like to lead? Describe these values in twelve items. What are the values which are not negotiable? Which are the ones that you are willing to bend on?

Of course, you are allowed to have your non-negotiable values.

It’s important to realise that the more things on your bucket list which are non negotiable, the more finely you are filtering out possibilities. However, you are the one who gets to make the decision. Only you can decide how important each of these values are. You will be the one who lives with them!

If it is in fact a value of yours that is life shaping, you certainly should not give up on it. We’d recommend exploring your options for aliaya in a more concrete manner.

Have you spoken with Nefesh B’Nefesh? Their goal is to promote aliyah and assist in all levels of making aliyah. This includes support once you’ve landed as well, and creating community. They can be an invaluable resource to help you in your search.

Consider what are your resources that you have there already? Is there family or friends who can help you as you adjust? Are there jobs in your field in Israel? For example, PA’s do not exist in Israel. Will you need to adjust your vocation?

Have you tried a pilot trip? What experiences do you have living in Israel? It is important to see the realities of daily life in Israel, which is a very different experience from living in an America one year program. It’s also quite different than living in Brooklyn or Teaneck.

We have heard of a few people actually trying out living in other places for the year, since this is the year where telecommuting and tele-education has become the norm. They can retain their regular jobs and try living their dream.

We wish you a klita tova, in making it “this year in Yerushalaim”

-Rabbi Reuven & Shira Boshnack