17 Jan DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
I have been dating a guy for 2 months now. We really get along well, but I am curious to meet his family. I feel like
meeting his family is very important to understanding my boyfriend completely, as family plays an integral part of his
life. Whenever I bring it up to him or even my own family, they understand whay I am saying but explain that it’s only
appropriate to meet them, once an engagement is imminent. I am frustrated by this answer and I am not sure how to
proceed. What do you advice?
-“Lady in waiting?”

Dear “Lady”
Hi, so glad to hear that things are
progressing. You are right when
you that you want to meet his
family so you can understand him
better. We are all products of our
environment and seeing where
he comes from can definitely
help you to understand him and
his world. You may discover how
they solve problems, how they
react under stress and understand
more about family’s culture is.

But sometimes there are cultural
norms surrounding “meeting the
parents.”
In order to understand the situation
more fully, we’d like you to ask some
questions in order to proceed. Who
is telling you “we don’t meet the
boy’s family?” Can you ask, them,
politely “what is the source of this
practice?” Is this part of a custom in
your community? Is this something
which requires speaking to a Rav,
Rebbitzen, mentor or Shadchan? If

not, discuss with your “guy” whether he has any
objections to you meeting his family. If he does,
what are they and why? Has he met your family,
how was it?
The answers to these questions will help you
navigate the situation. Hopefully learn more about
him, his family, yourself and your relationship.
Hatzlacha Rabah,
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack

“We are all
products of our
environment and
seeing where
he comes from
can definitely
help you to
understand him
and his world.”