21 Mar DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
Thanks for your column, I read it every week. Maybe you can help me with a problem that I’m having. Since I came home from
Yeshiva, I have been in a constant disagreement with my parents about dating. They feel that I should just meet a girl at shul or
shabbos meal or activity and ask them out to the movies or something , and I want to meet someone through a shadchan. I recently
was dating a girl who wanted to go to a jazz bar. Totally not my speed. So I told the Shadchan no. I’m a little stuck on how to tell
my parents that I decided not to go out again with her, even though when they had asked me previously I said I would go out again
with her. If I say I didn’t want to go to a jazz bar, this will cause a big fight. They’ll say I’m too picky and should have met her in
the jazz bar to begin with.
– Sincerely, How do I tell my parents

Dear “How do I tell”,
Thanks for reading our column and for writing
in! It is always hard when your parents are “on
a different page” than you, especially in dating.
It’s positive at least that you are having some
conversation with them and that they do deeply
care about you and your future. First, you can
tell them simply, it didn’t work out. That’s a very
ambiguous answer. If they press further, you
can express that in conversation it came out that
you really weren’t so compatible on a number of
important issues.

It might be a great conversation to have to
profoundly and respectfully thank your parents
for everything they’ve done in raising you and
explaining that you understand that they have your
best concerns in mind. The root of this fight comes
from their love of you, and desire to see you thrive.
They very possibly met at a jazz bar or at a kiddush,
and life was that much simpler then. It is possible
that you might, in the future, meet someone at an
oneg or the like.
You can also explain that while people do meet
in other settings, for the time being, you’d like

to date via a matchmaker. The reason is that the
social circles and crowd you feel most compatible
and comfortable with date in this way as well.
There might come a time when this could change.
Ultimately, it is the Master of All Shidduchim
who indeed calls the shots, and you should daven
that you meet them shortly, and for the words to
find a common language with your parents around
this issue.

Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.