02 May DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
Dear Rabbi and Shira,
I just spent Shabbos at my future in-laws, and I don’t know what to do. They are a wonderful family, sweet, and
welcoming. The only problem? The food was horrible. I’m not sure what to do. I can’t bring it up to my fiance. I don’t
want to offend them. The thoughts of spending Shabbos and Yom-tov there are now a cause for anxiety. Do you have
-Hungry in Hewlett
This seems like a problem of culinary proportions.
We’re glad that you have the common sense not to say
something, and to offend them.
Regardless, you’re going to have to grin and bear it.
We’d like to share some thoughts that could help
Keep in mind that everybody has their good points
and bad points. Better to be the sweetest people in the
world with inedible food, than a cordon bleu chef who
is nasty! Thankfully, there will be many other days of the
year where you will have plenty to eat.
Do you know how to cook? Maybe you can learn
to cook yourself and offer to help out. You can help
introduce your inlaws, and ingratiate them to you at the
same time. Imagine, a son in law who is a baal midos
and can cook! This way you can make the foods that you
like and help them as well.
You can always pre-game and post game. You can eat
what you like before and after Shabbos and afterwards.
It’s at most 72 hours of eating their food, (Shabbos and
Yom Tov) and for sure there will be a kiddush. Consider
the fact that anytime in life when you know that a
stressful situation is coming, worrying about it will
make it worse, but having a plan in place can reassure
Does your fiance share your feelings? Maybe they can
be part of the plan, ask them to help you stage a kitchen
take-over! Besides rescuing your palatial sensibilities,
you also can bond together while making menus and
Now that the shock has worn off, consider, maybe you
had a little bit of “tunnel vision.” Is it possible that you
missed options that you could’ve eaten? Maybe there
was something at each meal you could eat?
Otherwise put a little of everything on your plate,
move it around a little bit and nibble? Add a little salt
and pepper? Perhaps it is a style of cooking that didn’t
appeal to you?
We wish you well, and hope our suggestions were
helpful. Remember! “Man does not live by bread
alone…” By doing the right thing and taking care of
everyone’s feelings you will for sure have many blessings
in your household.
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.