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    30 May DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

    Posted at 20:45h in by
    0 Likes

    Dear Rabbi and Shira,
    I was dating a guy for 3 months, and I fell hard for him. We had common goals, and enjoyed speaking about all things
    pre-law. We spoke night and day, and had a magic present, which is hard to describe After three months, he dumped me.
    I understand why he wasn’t right for me, but now, a year later I’m dating a wonderful young man who I care about, we
    share common interests, but that “spark” is not there. What should I do? I feel like I might be missing out on a different
    great guy just because of something that I can’t quite put my finger on.
    -Sparkless in Brooklyn

    Hi Sparkless!
    We’d like you to do a mental exercise. Can you close
    your eyes and think about both of these young men.
    Think about what was it that excited you about this
    first guy? Was he more attractive physically than your
    current boyfriend, how so? Were there familial/cultural
    factors which you found attractive, what were they?
    How much time are you spending with your current
    boyfriend, is that different? Are you seeing your current
    boyfriend too much? Are you seeing him too little? Are
    you excited to be with him or are you relieved when you
    are not with him?
    Also, we’d like you to consider the following thought. Is

    it possible you are more on guard after the last incident,
    and are afraid of “letting someone get close again?”
    Sometimes, after a “let-down”, we are “on-guard” not to
    let the same thing happen again. You could be worrying
    that he could at any moment dump you, just like the last
    guy. One more alternative, maybe you are comparing too
    much. Maybe you are asking yourself if your experience
    will ever be as good as it was with your ex.
    Of course, there simply might not be the chemistry
    between the two of you, despite shared interests. It’s
    normal to be a little on edge, or doubtful about the
    future, but if you find yourself unable to open up again
    and let your guard down; you might consider speaking
    with a professional to learn to trust again.

    Good Luck!
    Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.