06 Jun DATING AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Dear Rabbi and Shira,
I’m hoping you can help me. I have been friends with this guy for the past few years. We get along well and I have strong feelings for
him. The problem is that though he “adores” me as a friend, he just doesn’t see our relationship as anything more than a friendship.
I see real potential but he won’t give “us” a chance. Do I have a chance? Is there something I can do to convince him? If not, how do
I let go and get over him? I’ve tried when he originally rejected me the but it’s hopeless.
-Still Hopeful in Brooklyn

Dear Still Hopeful.
It’s time to let go. He is not in-terested in being
your boyfriend, just your friend. While we are big
proponents of “you never know;” if he isn’t interested,
then very little is going to change his mindset. Maybe,
at a later point in your dating lives, if the both of
you are still available, then you can revisit it. For the
time being it looks like this door is closed. We know
you were hoping for a different outcome. Sadly, you
cannot control the way other people feel about you.
The only variable you can control is to change your
reactions and ac-tion plan. You can stay chained to
this one-sided relationship or set yourself free for a
better one.

We think it is probably best for you to end this
friendship. You are confusing friendship with a
possible marriage. You think this could be the
beginning of a life-long relationship; however, he
doesn’t see you as anything more than a friend.
As long as you re-main in this friendship, you will
find yourself confused between the two. You might
feel afraid to end this relationship for fear of losing
your “chance.” Upsetting the status quo is scary.
Leaving what you’re used to and com-fortable will be
uncomfortable. However, you cannot continue the
relationship this way. There will be times that you’ll
feel sad and lonely that this friendship has ended.
You’ll doubt that you made the right decision. Don’t
let that fear hold you back. When you are upset,

try to bring yourself into the present moment. The
present is where life happens. The present is the key
to your future. Begin speaking with shad chanim or
accepting matches on the platform of your choice.
Once the world goes back to normal more, consider
going out to some singles events. The first steps might
be the hard-est but at this point it’s time to shut the
door with this boy and open the next door to new
op-portunities. You are the one who has the key to
unlock your fu-ture.

We wish you hatzlacha in open-ing the door to your
new life,
Rabbi Reuven and Shira Boshnack.