07 Jan DIFFERENT BUT TOGETHER

End of life plans. Wills, last requests. Not
things that are pleasant to think about.
Decisions we tend to delay and push off.
Discussions with our loved ones we want
to avoid.
Parshas Vayechi is the closing parsha in
Sefer Bereishis, and the final chapter of
Yaakov Avinu’s life. While the parsha
speaks of Yaakov’s end of life, it is called
Vayechi – AND he lived, for Yaakov’s life
lessons live on, guiding us to this very
day. As the Talmud teaches, “Tzaddikim,
the righteous, even in their death, are
considered alive.” Their words, their
teachings, their actions, live on.
“Vayikrivu yemei Yisroel lamus, And the
time approached for Yisroel (Yaakov) to
die, vayikro livno, l’Yosef, and he called
for his son, Yosef.” (Bereishis 47:29)
Yaakov was getting older. He wanted his
final wishes to be made known. He didn’t
call his financial planner or estate lawyer.
Rather, he turns to Yosef, the son who was
second to the Pharaoh. The son who was in

a position of power, enabling him to carry
out his father’s last wishes.
Yaakov did not want to be buried in Egypt,
but to have his final resting place in Eretz
Yisroel. With poignant words, he turns to
Yosef and says, “V’shochavti im avosai,
And I will sleep with my fathers.”
The Chumash refers to Yaakov in this
instance by the name “Yisroel”. Yisroel –
meaning a prince, a name denoting strong
will. Though elderly, Yaakov gathered his
strength, and articulated his request in a
clear and precise manner. He asks Yosef
to promise that his wishes will be fulfilled.
Did Yaakov not trust Yosef? Why the need
to ask his son to take a vow?
“Eizehu chochom, haro’eh es hanolad. Who
is the wise one? One who thinks of the future,
of all the possibilities and deterrents that may
arise.” (Pirkei Avos 2:3) To be cognizant of
the “what if’s” of life. Yaakov was afraid,
what if Pharaoh gave Yosef a hard time,
and insisted on Yosef burying his father in
Egypt. After taking a vow, Yosef could say, I
promised, I swore to my father. This was his
last request. How can you deny it.

Yaakov had his reasons for not
wanting to be buried in Egypt. Rashi
teaches that one reason was that the
Egyptian culture worshipped the dead
(think mummies).
From the time that Yaakov lived in
Egypt, he brought blessing to the
land. He was afraid of his burial place
becoming enshrined, his body worshipped
by the Egyptian populace.
Another reason was that by being buried
in Eretz Yisroel, Yaakov was making a
statement to his children and to future
generations. Egypt, and for that sake the
Diaspora, is not our final resting place. Our
eternal home, our holy land, our country,
is Eretz Yisroel.
Yaakov told Yosef that his request was for
a “Chesed shel emes, A kindness of truth”.
Rashi teaches that chesed done to one who
passes away is true kindness. For after death,
the deceased cannot repay the kindness.
There is a Midrash telling of a debate
between Truth, Emes, and Chesed,
Kindness. When HaShem created the
world, Truth said that humanity is not
worthy of creation, for man lies and is
deceitful. Kindness retorted that man is
worthy of being created, as man is full
of love, understanding and compassion.
But Truth had a rebuttal. Man does acts of
kindness because of the hope of receiving
something in return.
Chesed’s reply was that there is a kindness
for which one expects no remuneration.
Chesed shel emes, the kindness shown by
honoring a deceased’s final wishes.
A lesson from Yaakov. While he still had
strength, he faced his own mortality and
made his request clear. And a lesson from
Yosef. He went to his father. He listened
to a hard discussion, he heard words that
were difficult.
As children, we tend to tell our parents that
there is plenty of time to talk about it. There
are still years ahead. But Yosef not only
listened, he pledged to honor his father’s
request. How comforting for a father to
know that his words are being listened to.
That he can have peace of mind with the
confidence that his final wishes will be
honored.
This wasn’t Yosef’s only visit to his dear
father. “And it was after all these things, and
it was said to Yosef, your father is ill. So he
took his two sons, Ephraim and Menashe
with him.” (Bereishis 48:1) This is the first
time in the Torah where it is mentioned that
one fell ill prior to passing away. Prior to
Yaakov’s passing, death came suddenly,

without warning. Without an opportunity for
any end-of-life planning. The Midrash tells
us that Yaakov asked HaShem for illness.
He reasoned with HaShem, that a man who
dies without illness is unable to settle his
affairs with his children. But, if was there
is a period of illness, a man is forewarned
of his impending death, and he has time
to gather his children to instruct them on
his final wishes. Moreover, illness prior to
death enables a person to make a cheshbon
hanefesh, an accounting of the soul. To
which HaShem responded that Yaakov
speaks well. Illness will begin with him.
Upon hearing that his father was ill, Yosef
dropped everything, and ran with his sons
to be with his father. To receive yet one
more bracha for himself, and to ensure that
his two boys would also be blessed by their
zeide. A bracha, the most beautiful legacy
one can leave behind.
Yaakov bentched Yosef’s sons with the
famous bracha of HaMalach HaGoel.
“The angel that redeems me from all bad,
should bless the boys… v’yidgu larov
b’kerev ha’aretz, and may they multiply
abundantly like fish within the land.” Rav
Moshe Feinstein asks, should it not say like
fish within the sea? Do fish live on land?
Rav Moshe answers that Yaakov’s bracha
is that HaShem be with His children even
in seemingly impossible situations and in
the most difficult of circumstances.
And then Yaakov gathered all his sons.
He gave each one a bracha, accompanied
by a custom-tailored message. Yaakov
is transmitting an important lesson. A
lesson for his children; a lesson for future
generations. Families are comprised of
individuals. All different, yet all part of

one united family. We don’t “one-size-fits-
all” bless our children. Each one needed

to hear a different message. Each child a
world onto his own, yet, all stood together
before their father.
I think of when my zeide, my mama, my
father, my mother were niftar. By each one,
we stood together. Brothers and sisters,
cousins, aunts and uncles. No two exactly
the same, yet all united. Yaakov’s legacy,
his final message. Be a family together, a
nation united.