14 Sep DON’T BE AFRAID TO LEAVE SOMETHING ON THE PLATE!

The Gemara in

Masechet Eruvin

cites Rabbi

Yehoshua as telling

of his experiences

when he was once

hosted by a certain family. The

first night, the woman served a

large, scrumptious meal, and he

ate everything in his plate. The

next night, the woman once again

served a spectacular dinner, and

he finished every last bit of food

he was given. But on the third

night, he took one bite…and could

not continue eating. The food

tasted horrible. It was way too

salty. The woman asked him why

he wasn’t eating. The Rabbi had

to think fast, and he tried to

explain his behavior by saying that

he had already eaten earlier, so he

wasn’t hungry. The woman

questioned his explanation, asking

why suddenly that day he had

eaten earlier. The Hid”a, one of

the great Sephardic sages,

uncovers for us the depth and

meaning of this seemingly

peculiar story. He explained that

this is a powerful depiction of life.

In our youth, we indulge, and

overindulge, in the pleasures of

this world. We involve ourselves

in vanity and do inappropriate

things in our desire to “consume”

the entire “plate” – to enjoy

everything there is to enjoy in life.

During the next stage of life, in the

early part of adulthood, say, in our

30s and 40s, we do the same. We

finish the entire “plate,” pursuing

more money, more luxury, and

more gratification, sometimes

doing things that we are not

supposed to be doing. But then, in

the third stage, in a person’s later

years, the “food” no longer

“tastes” good. Older people do not

have the same “appetite” as

younger people. It is much easier

to refrain from forbidden activities

in our older years, when they are

far less appealing. The message of

this story, the Hid”a explained, is

that we must be willing and

prepared to leave some of the

“food” on the “plate” even when it

“tastes” good, when we find it

appealing. We don’t get too much

credit for abstaining from

improper conduct in our older

years, when we are not drawn to it.

We need to do so when we are still

young and find the forbidden

“food” appealing. One of the

greatest obstacles to growth and

change is the fear we all have of

leaving “food” on the “plate.” We

are reluctant to change because we

are afraid of missing out. Some

people are afraid to properly

observe Shabbat because they will

miss certain activities. Some

people are afraid to commit to

another Torah class because they

will miss the free time. We

naturally feel reluctant to make

sacrifices, to deny ourselves

“food” that looks so appealing.

The solution to this problem is to

JUST TRY. It can’t hurt to try

something new for a short while

and see how it works out. This is

something all of us can do. There

are many things in life we miss out

on because we’re afraid to try

something new. The way to

overcome that fear is to tell

ourselves that we’re just going to

try and see how it goes. If we find

it is too difficult, then at least

we’ve tried. That’s all. The month

of Elul is the time when we are

supposed to be thinking about how

we can change and make ourselves

better. If we want this period to

have a real effect, we need to

overcome our instinctive fear of

change, and not be afraid to try

new things. This is the first step to

what will, hopefully, be a process

of real and significant change that

will last for the rest of our lives.