28 Mar DON’T SAY OCD, DEPRESSED OR ANXIETY UNLESS YOU MEAN IT

Some people dread
Pesach preparation
time, but not for the
reason you think. As
challenging as it can be
to search for and
eliminate chametz,
chametz isn’t rude, it isn’t insensitive, and it
doesn’t hurt feelings. People, on the other
hand, often unintentionally, are or do all
three. In conversations, around Shabbos
tables, and even from the pulpit, we casually
describe ourselves or the atmosphere
surrounding Pesach as an “OCD holiday” or
refer to “neurotic” people preparing for
Pesach. Of course, nobody means harm
when using these descriptions and only
intend on highlighting the intensity and
attention to detail necessary in Pesach
preparation.
Yet, I have come to learn that such casual
and careless use of language can, even
unintentionally, be hurtful and harmful to
people navigating clinical OCD and neurosis.
Describing the annual process of cleaning
and koshering for Pesach as “OCD”
diminishes what that diagnosis really means

and minimizes the challenge of navigating
and living with it. It can cause those already
feeling on the outskirts as even more not
understood or supported.
I recently wrote about the dangers of safe
spaces and taking personal responsibility for
if we allow other’s words to hurt us. But
make no mistake, that doesn’t absolve us of
our obligation to use our words sensitively,
to be careful how we speak and the language
and terms that we use.
Don’t use terms or expressions like “I’m so
OCD,” “I’m depressed,” or “I have anxiety”
flippantly or glibly. These words have real
meaning and when we use them out of
context or apply them inappropriately, we
diminish them and rob the people they apply
to of language that captures their story.
As mental health challenges have
proliferated, we have an even greater
responsibility to be sensitive, supportive,
and steadfast in removing stigma surrounding
these issues. Depression, anxiety, or OCD
are no more the fault of the person suffering
with it than cancer or Alzheimer’s are the
fault of someone suffering with one of those
conditions. Just as the patient with cancer

cannot simply will his or her cancer away
and the individual with Alzheimer’s cannot
simply choose to stop forgetting, the person
with depression cannot just “decide” to not
feel anxious, worthless, or exhausted, the
person with OCD cannot simply choose to
stop having obsessive thoughts or behaviors.
Having a physical illness can be awkward,
but should not be a source of embarrassment
or guilt. Similarly, having OCD, depression
or anxiety are equally out of one’s control,
and should not be a source of shame or
inadequacy.
In the winter of 1902-1903, Rav Shalom
Dov-Ber Schneerson, the 5th Lubavitcher
Rebbe, known affectionally by the acronym
Rashab, travelled from Lubavitch White
Russia to Vienna to consult with the famous
Professor Sigmund Freud. He was
accompanied by his son, Rav Yosef Yitzchak
Schneerson (who later became the 6th
Rebbe), who then told the story of these
encounters to his son-in-law, Rav Menachem
Mendel Schneerson, the last Lubavitcher
Rebbe. The Rebbe transcribed it and once
shared it at a public gathering in 1962.
The Rashab was forty-two years old at the
time and was struggling with depression.
Rav YY Jacobson describes that the
Rebbe told Freud after years of working
on himself, he hadn’t been successful,
“not one faculty have I refined, not one
idea is really clear in my mind.” He had
feelings of inadequacy, particularly in
comparison to his ancestors. The Rebbe
was in Vienna for more than three
months and met with Freud several
times. While we know the Rebbe had an
impact and influence on Freud, it is also
reported that the Rebbe embraced
Freud’s treatment and support.
Recently, Artscroll published “Rav
Chaim: The Life and Legacy of the Sar
HaTorah,” by Rabbi Naftali Weinberger.
An article in Mishpacha Magazine
covering the book and its author noted a
significant inclusion in both the new
book and the author’s previous biography
of Rebbetzin Kanievsky:
“Gadol biographies” sometime get a
bad rap for portraying the subjects as
infallible, perfect human beings, but
Rabbi Weinberger took the reality route
instead. In one section, he relates how
Rebbetzin Batsheva heeded the advice of
her physician and took Valium to calm
her anxiety when the tragedies of her
many visitors and petitioners became too
much for her sensitive soul to bear. For
Rabbi Weinberger, was there a level of

self-censorship?

“The story about the Rebbetzin taking anti-
anxiety medication actually appeared in her

biography,” says Rabbi Weinberger. “The
backdrop for that was an interview I
conducted with her daughter and son-in-law,
Rav Zelig and Rebbetzin Bracha Braverman.
They told me how the Rebbetzin was very
proud of her personal example when she
occasionally needed the meds — it was an
encouragement for others who were told by
their own physicians to take medication.
“After that interview, I discussed it further
with several other Kanievsky children who
told me I should publish it, that the Rebbetzin
would surely have wanted it published. And
baruch Hashem, there’s been very nice
feedback from this — from therapists, and
also from people who told me they
themselves became more compliant about
taking necessary meds after knowing that
Rebbetzin Kanievsky also took medication.”
These great people and others weren’t
ashamed to get support and neither should
anyone else be.
The Arizal saw the connection between
speech and freedom in the very name of the
upcoming Yom Tov. Pesach, he explained,
comes from “Peh – sach” – “a mouth
converses.” Part of affirming our freedom
on Pesach is affirming the awesome
responsibility that comes with freedom of
speech.
Rav Kook (Orot HaKodesh vol. III, p. 285)
writes: “As the soul is elevated, we become
acutely aware of the tremendous power that
lies in our faculty of speech. We recognize
clearly the tremendous significance of each
utterance; the value of our prayers and
blessings, the value of our Torah study and
of all of our discourse. We learn to perceive
the overall impact of speech. We sense the
change and great stirring of the world that
comes about through speech.”
Pre-Pesach is a time to be more careful, not
callous. Let’s clean out not only our homes
of chametz but also our vocabulary and
lexicon of language which harms or hurts
and bring the redemption one step closer.