01 Aug EIKEV: DON’T CARRY A GRUDGE

Here’s a story that
happened with the
Tosfos Yom Tov (Reb
Yom Tov Heller,
renowned for his
commentary on
Mishnayos). When the
Tosfos Yom Tov
became rav of
Kapolia, he
established two
conditions with the
leaders of the
community:
(1) They cannot do
anything without his
consent. Whatever is
related to the
community, the
trivial, and the major, he must know about
it.
(2) They can only discuss community
matters with him on motzei Shabbos.
Throughout the week, he wants to be
immersed in Torah study.
One day, his Rebbetzin went to the
marketplace to buy a large fish l’kovod
Shabbos. A wealthy woman arrived and
offered the merchant a much higher price.
The merchant sold the fish to the wealthy

woman. The Rebbetzin protested, “But I
was in the middle of buying it. I was here
first.”
The wealthy woman responded with cruel
words, which shouldn’t be said to anyone,
certainly not in public, and certainly not to
the rav’s wife.
“It’s a bizayon haTorah, a disgrace to the
Torah and honor of the rav,” the people of
Kapolia said about this woman who shamed
the Rebbetzin.
They wanted to punish the wealthy woman,
but their arms were tied. They couldn’t do
anything without the rav’s consent, and it
was only Tuesday. They couldn’t speak
with the rav about this matter until motzei
Shabbos.
The townspeople advised the Rebbetzin
that in the meanwhile, she should get the
rav upset about what happened, so when
they speak with him on motzei Shabbos, he
will be willing to punish this woman
severely for what she did.
Friday night, the Tosfos Yom Tov came
home to make Kiddush, but his wife wasn’t
at the table. Instead, she was sitting at
another table. He asked her what happened,
and she replied, “I’m not worthy of being a
Rebbetzin. I’m not worthy to sit at the rav’s
table.”
The Tosfos Yom Tov didn’t understand, so
she told him how she was embarrassed
cruelly in the marketplace. She added that
the city leaders wanted to punish that
woman, but they can’t do anything until
motzei Shabbos.
The rav spoke kindly to her until she
agreed to sit at the table. Before he picked
up the cup of wine to say Kiddush, he
became pensive. And then he asked her,
“When did this story happen?”
“Tuesday.”
“You’re holding a grudge against a Jewish
woman since Tuesday?” he asked.
“I forgive her,” she immediately replied.
“That isn’t sufficient. We have to ask her
mechilah, and it has to be now. This can’t
be pushed off for later.”
The rav knocked on the door of the wealthy
couple, and they called out, “Who’s there?”
When they heard that the rav was at their
door, they worried that he came to punish
them. The wealthy couple immediately
came out, fell before the Rav and
Rebbetzin’s feet, crying and begging for
forgiveness.
The Tosfos Yom Tov told them that he

didn’t come to punish them. On the
contrary, he came to ask them forgiveness
because of the hard feelings that were kept
in their hearts for so long, since Tuesday.
They quickly made up with each other,
each one asking mechilah from the other,
and then the rav and Rebbetzin returned
home to say Kiddush.
This story is written in the introduction of
Tosfos Kedushah, written by the Tosfos
Yom Tov’s grandson, and the Birchas
Avraham of Yerushalayim often repeated
the story. The Birchas Avraham would
repeat the Tosfos Yom Tov’s words, “From
Tuesday until today you have a grudge
against a Jewish daughter?” The Birchas
Avraham said this in a very powerful way,
impressing on his listeners just how severe
it is to carry a negative, hateful feeling in
one’s heart against another Yid.