10 Aug EIKEV: GETTING ALONG WITH OTHERS

A counsel for joy
is to learn to get
along with others.
This will save you
from much pain and
hardships.
Reb Avraham
G e n a c h o v s k y
zt’l once said to
someone who
recently became
rosh yeshiva. “Do
you know what the job of a rosh
yeshiva is? His job is to swallow nails
and not let it be known to anyone that
he swallowed them.” And he gave
him a brachah that he shouldn’t need
to swallow too many nails.
He meant to say that there will be
hardships, people will give him a
hard time, and he should accept and
swallow the troubles. No one should
know of his struggles, and he should
be kind and pleasant to everyone.

He said this about being a rosh
yeshiva, but the rule applies to every
parent. There are things parents must
swallow. Children aren’t perfect; they
don’t always behave as their parents
want. Sometimes, parents should be
mechanech, speak to them, etc. But
often, the parents should just swallow
and look the other way.
And it isn’t solely about being a rosh
yeshiva, teacher, or parent. The same
lesson is needed for all relationships
between people. Neighbors can be
difficult, and family can be difficult.
There are many nails that we need to
swallow, but that is the best way.
Rebbe Aharon of Belz zt’l once
stooped down to enter a taxi and
commented, “If you want to go
anywhere in this world, you must
bend your head.”
Baalei mussar tell the following
parable:

There was a deer whose
antlers were constantly
getting caught in the
branches and the foliage.
One day the deer decided
it was time to remove all
the branches. It began
bucking the trees with
its antlers and hind feet
to clear the forest from
all deterrents so it could
run freely. A wise animal
stood by watching and
said to the deer, “Even if you work
your entire life, you won’t succeed in
knocking down all the trees. Instead, I
advise you to cut off your antlers, and
then you can run through the forest
unimpeded.
The nimshal is, instead of trying to
improve others, change yourself.
Train yourself not to let things bother
you. That is a better approach than
trying to train others.

Eliyahu HaNavi z’l once said to Rebbe
Dovid of Lelov z’l: “When trying to
place two planks side by side, and one
of them has a knob jutting out, instead
of cutting out the knob, make an
indention in the other plank to make
room for the knob.” This means don’t
try changing others, rather become
a person with a heart that can accept
other people’s idiosyncrasies. Let the
other person have his way, and you
can run through life unhindered.