13 Oct Fundamentals of Tefillah: Part 2

Hashem Is Our
Friend
Hashem is like our
friend who walks
hand in hand with us,
and He is listening to
us. One who davens
with the mindset that
Hashem can help
him but lacks the
realization that he can
speak to Hashem like he does to a friend is
missing out on the point of tefillah. There is a
way for us to reach this level of speaking with
Hashem like a friend and telling Him what is
on our minds.
A Close Friend
It’s hard for us to face our daily challenges
alone, whether they are in the realm of
ruchniyus or gashmiyus. It’s also difficult
to find a real friend to whom one is able to
speak about these challenges. The solution is
to make Hashem our friend.
It may be hard at first since we cannot see
Him. In addition, we might wonder why
Hashem would want us to be His friend.
However, this erroneous way of thinking will
cause us to lose focus of our life’s goal. The
point of living in this world is to connect with
the Creator, to be His close friend. One who
does not live with Hashem on a daily basis
feels as if he is not alive in this world.
The yetzer hara makes us think that Hashem
does not wish to have anything to do with
lowly people like us, but this is his way of
tricking us into avoiding a connection with
Hashem. One who truly lives with Hashem
will not experience a greater pleasure.
Balancing Our Relationship with Hashem
A person who feels lowly will wonder
why Hashem should listen to his tefillos.
This causes him not to approach davening
seriously. Others feel that their connection
to Hashem is so strong that they wonder why
they should daven if Hashem knows what is
good for them and they are already so close
to Him. Today, many young adults feel like
those in either the first category or the second.
We need a proper balance: realizing that
Hashem listens to all our tefillos and that we
should daven, while not thinking that we are
so close to Him that we do not have to daven.
The Tanna D’vei Eliyahu says that one should
daven as if he is speaking to his friend. On the
other hand, one should realize the greatness
of being able to daven to the King of kings. If
we would truly believe that our tefillos have
an impact, every word we say would be filled
with such meaning. If we would only realize
that Hashem waits for us to daven and kisses
each word that we say, we would daven the
way we should.
When Moshe Rabbeinu was told not to daven
anymore to enter Eretz Yisrael, he hinted to
Bnei Yisrael to daven for him. If they would
have davened to enter Eretz Yisrael, he also

would have entered. Why did they not daven?
They felt that Moshe Rabbeinu had davened
so much and was not answered. Why would
they, who were nowhere near the level of
Moshe Rabbeinu, be able to impact the
decision of Hashem?
If we think our words mean nothing,
davening will not be effective. We don’t
think that Klal Yisrael needs our tefillos, so
we don’t daven properly. If someone would
tell us that we need to travel for a few hours
to save someone’s life, we would run to do
it. Tefillah, then, should not be any different.
We don’t believe our tefillos can have this
power—and we are wrong.
Throughout davening, we refer to Hashem as
“You” in the first person and then “He.” When
speaking to a person of stature, we are careful
to use only the third person. Our relationship
with Hashem is twofold: He is our Father,
and we are His servants. When we say “You,”
we are children, and when we say “He,” we
are servants. In addition, the Anshei Knesses
Hagedolah instituted that we say “You” to
make us feel like we are talking to our friend.
That’s how close we should be to Hashem!
Coming on Time
In order to understand the importance of
davening every day, we must have the correct
outlook on coming on time to davening. If we
had an important meeting, we would make
every effort to come on time. Not only that,
but we would be nervous and spend time
making sure what we say comes out right.
This shows that we have the ability, but we
don’t use it when it comes to being on time
for davening and thinking about what we’ll
say. People make up so many excuses as to
why they cannot come on time.
Another reason why people come late is
because they feel uncomfortable talking to
Hashem and push it off as much as they can.
If a person does not consider davening central
to his life, he will not take it seriously. If we
daven in a way that shows we don’t really
want to be there, then we are not davening.
We can be sure that our children will pick up
on this attitude as well.
The Gemara enumerates the benefits of one
who is among the first ten to come to shul.
One who comes to shul first for davening has
endless reward. If one would know the reward
for being first in shul, he would fight with his
friend to be there first.
In this regard, the Zohar mentions the
following parable:
A king sent a notice to all the people in a
city to come meet him on a certain day. They
delayed and didn’t come—except for one
person. When the king came and found one
person there, he spent time with him and
spoke to him, and the person became beloved
to the king. When someone else came later
on, the king was angry with the latecomer.
The same is true when it comes to being on
time to shul. When a person comes early, the
Shechinah is with him and Hashem talks with

him, so to speak. Obviously, this is not the
case if someone comes late.
Coming late to shul is a chillul Hashem,
which is an issur d’Oraisa. One who does not
come on time to shul shows that davening is
not for him, and serving Hashem is a burden
to him. If one wishes to show his children
how to daven correctly, it is very important
for him to come on time to davening.
Harav Herschel Shachter shlit”a says that one
who comes on time to davening is already
late. One must come early and put himself in
the proper mindset.
Someone who generally came late to shul was
approached by Harav Gamliel Rabinovitch
shlit”a.
“Doesn’t it bother you that your grandchildren
won’t daven at all?” Rav Gamliel asked.
“What do you mean?” the man asked, startled.
Rav Gamliel explained that if he comes late
to shul, chances are that his children will not
come earlier. Future generations will only
follow this downward spiral and eventually
not daven at all.
The following story further illustrates the
importance of coming on time.
A certain individual owned a furniture factory.
He consistently came late to Shacharis. At
times, he would arrive when the tzibbur was
up to Baruch She’amar, and sometimes he
even came when they were up to Yishtabach.
“If you’re coming anyway,” the rav said to
him, “why not come earlier?”
“Either way, I come,” the man said. “What’s
the difference if I come late?”
A few months passed. One day, there was
a fire and the man’s entire furniture factory
burned down. He lost everything. The man
came to the rav.
“I know why this happened to me,” he said.
“It’s because I come late to davening every
day.”
“Why would you think that?” the rav asked.
“The fire department came when they were
called, but they came a bit late,” the man said.
“I also come late to davening. I thought, What
do a few minutes matter? Well, now I learned
my lesson.”
Leaving Early
Unfortunately, many people leave shul before
the last Kaddish is recited after Aleinu. Some
even leave during Chazaras Hashatz! Hashem
provides everyone with all their needs, yet
they run out of shul early to get to a job and
make money that Hashem provides anyway.
L’havdil, people would not leave a sports
event early.
Harav Chaim Kanievsky zt”l says that one
who leaves davening early because he has
no patience to wait a few more minutes
until it is over is disgracing Hashem. He is
likened to one who does not believe that the
Shechinah is found in a shul during davening.
How can such a person think that his tefillah
will be accepted? In addition, one who leaves

shul early will be thrown out of the Beis
Hamikdash early as well.
How can one leave early and miss out on a
Kaddish? How can one miss out on Aleinu?
One of the reasons Aleinu is recited is to
ingrain in ourselves the belief that Hashem is
our King before we go out into the world and
are among the non-Jews. When we engage in
business dealings with non-Jews, we should
not be drawn into their idol worship. To our
great misfortune, Aleinu has become known
as Tefillas Haderech.
A person who does not enjoy davening will
get upset if it takes too long. This is because
davening is not his main focus in life. If he
truly valued davening, he would not think
this way. People have so much time for other
things and will answer every text or email. Yet
there is no time for tefillah. If only a person
would know that leaving davening early
is backward; if he would daven properly,
he would not have to spend so much time
working.
People tend to put a time frame on tefillah.
When it reaches a certain amount of time,
they are done and leave, missing amens,
Kaddish, and other valuable components of
tefillah. The same person could be eating in a
restaurant and have all the time in the world.
He takes pleasure in his steak yet takes no
pleasure in his davening. He would be willing
to pay a lot of money for a nice honor, such
as Chassan Torah or Chassan Bereishis. He
would also give a lot of money to make sure
he merits Gan Eden. Yet when he leaves shul
early, he is missing out on a valuable amen.
And he misses out so he can go to work,
which is the curse of man! He is giving up
eternal life for a few seconds of life in this
world.
Some commentators explain that tefillah
is treated like a wedding. If one receives
an invitation to a wedding of a neighbor or
distant relative, he may go at the end of the
wedding, say mazel tov, eat something, and
leave. If the wedding is of a close friend, he
will stay for the first course and then leave. If
his nephew is getting married, he may even
stay for the second course. If his brother is the
chassan, he will come for pictures and stay
until after dessert. If it’s his child’s wedding,
he will come early to make sure everything is
in order and stay until the very end.
Similarly, there are different times when one
will come to shul and leave. If one does not
feel a sense of closeness to Hashem when he
is in shul, he will come late and leave early,
whereas one who is close to Hashem will