24 Dec GIFTING IN 2024

I was Chanukah gift shopping for my
grandchildren. A friend approached me, and
asked if I was experiencing what she was
going through. She shared that her children’s
requests and expectations have increased
from year to year. They all have big ideas. It
seems that only the latest and newest toys,
electronics and name brand clothes and
accessories will satisfy them. What to do?
My friend’s dilemma is very real. She, like
so many of us, is torn between between
making her children happy and listening to
an inner voice that says you’re going
overboard.
Yes, receiving gifts is fun, and there is a
tremendous joy in giving. We want to buy
the perfect gift. The gift that will put a smile
on the recipient’s face, accompanied by “I
love it…. I love it….” No one wants to see
a dejected or unsatisfied child. But, at what
price?
The ancient Greeks wanted to Hellenize,
to influence the Jewish people. To spread
their culture. We, too, have become victims

of the norms of the society we live in. At this
time of the year, “gifting is in the air”.

Alluring store displays, glassy catalogs, eye-
popping ads in magazines and non-stop

emails, all hit us with the same message. It’s
the season of gifting. Time to purchase that
special gift for our loved ones. The gifts they
truly deserve. Everyone around us is
shopping, shopping, shopping.
And then – we do it. We succumb to that
“shop-‘till-you-drop” mode. We buy amazing
gifts for the special people in our life.
It’s Chanukah. The children tear off the
wrapping, rip open the box, and we hear
squeals of excitement. We feel great. We
convince ourselves it was all worth it. For a
few weeks, and if we are lucky, for a few
months, the gift is appreciated and used. But
then, slowly but surely, it gets forgotten, and
there is a new “I must have it”.
Growing up, I didn’t receive Chanukah
gifts from my parents, yet I never felt
deprived. I have warm childhood memories
of standing before the menorah with family,
singing the age-old Chanukah songs, playing
dreidel, and enjoying hot sizzling latkes. And
of brachos. Plenty of brachos. My parents

would give us brachos for gezunt, brachos
to do well in school, brachos to follow in the
footsteps of our zeides and bubbas. We would
take a trip to visit our grandparents, Mama
and Zeide. We had fun with our cousins,
enjoyed Mama’s delicacies and received
brachos from Zeide. Zeide always called us
“mein lichtige kind”, my child full of light.
It made us feel special. It is decades later,
and I still hold on to those memories. How
befitting it is that my zeide’s, HaRav Avraham
HaLevi Jungreis’ yahrtzeit is on the 7th day
of Chanukah, the yom tov on which we wish
each other ah lichtige Chanukah, A Chanukah
full of light.
It’s 2024… not 1964. The world has
changed. Our children don’t live in a bubble.
Gifts on Chanukah have become the norm.
But this year, when we give our Chanukah
gifts, give them with brachos. Brachos that
our children and grandchildren walk in the
derech haTorah. That they be a source of
nachas. Fill in the blank – each of us, as
parents and grandparents, knows what the
right words are for each child. They may look
at you funny at first, but the memories will
stay with them forever. Children, no matter
the age, need to know that they are loved
and cared about. And a bracha does just
that.
Even more important than gifts, children
need to hear kind words. Years ago, I took
my then young children on a trip to the city.
They had off from school, and I planned a
full day. The museum, followed by a picnic
lunch and time to play in Central Park.
Before heading home, they all needed a
bathroom. I took them to The Plaza. (This
was before the days of security guards
stopping outsiders from entering.)
On the train ride home, I asked each one
what was their favorite part of the day. My
son, who was 9 or 10, was quick to say “the
bathroom in The Plaza.”
I didn’t get it. The bathroom in The
Plaza? My son explained, “There was a man
in a uniform there. He turned the faucet on
for me. He said ‘Young man, can I give you
a towel? Can I dry your hands?”
We think we have to plan big trips and
buy extravagant gifts. But at times, how our
children react teaches us that the best gift
of all could be as simple as some kind
words, words that make a child feel
important and loved.
The tradition of gifts on Chanukah began
with Chanukah gelt. Why gelt? The Greeks
forbade Torah study. After they were
defeated, it was time once again to teach
the children Torah and mitzvos. Coins were
distributed to the children, both as an

incentive to keep on learning, and as a reward
for Torah study.
In our home, we follow that tradition. We
give the grandchildren bar/bas mitzva age
and older, Chanukah gelt. The younger
children, who are not of age to appreciate the
value of money, receive toys, games, or arts
and crafts projects.
And what if you hear “but this friend and
that friend got better gifts”? Let’s remember
that Chanukah shares a root with the word
chinuch, education. It’s up to us to educate
our children, through words and deeds, to be
sameach b’chelko, happy with what they
have. To want what they have, and to look
at others with an ayin tov, a good eye, a
farginning eye. To be happy for someone else
and thereby find their own happiness.
Gift giving is nice, but there is no need to
go above and beyond one’s means. And even
if one’s budget is not limited, is over-the-top
spending necessary? Is this the chinuch we
want to transmit? Does this reflect our values
and priorities?
Chanukah is a time of giving, but it is also
a time to teach our children about gratitude.
As we say in Al hanissim, “l’hodos u’le’hallel,
to thank and to praise.” Chanukah is a perfect
time to show gratitude not just for the
miracles that occurred “bayamin ha’heim, in
those days”, but for the everyday miracles
we experience through the guiding hand of
HaShem. For all the light that shines through
the darkness in the world around us. So
important for children to understand.
And a closing note for us parents and
grandparents. Let’s not be busy looking at
what others give. Let’s give what we can,
and give it with love – and a bracha. The
memory will last long after the gift.