15 Sep GOING THE EXTRA MILE

Yom Kippur. As children, we had the z’chus
to daven with Zeide and Mama, our
grandparents z”l.
Kol Nidrei night. Year after year, Zeide
would speak to the members of his shul,
always delivering the same message. “Heint
bei-nacht is Yom Kippur”, Tonight is Yom
Kippur. Zeide would continue: “There are
people here who don’t speak to their fathers,
their mothers, their in-laws. Brothers and
sisters who don’t speak to one another.
Neighbors who can’t look each other in the
eye, can’t even say hello. It’s time to make
shalom. With sholom, our tefillos will reach
shomayim, the heavens above.”
Zeide would speak about having a forgiving
heart, of seeing only the good in one another.
With a quivering voice and tears in his eyes,
Zeide would plead to his listeners, begging
them to rid their hearts of all anger and ill
feeling. To live a life of chesed,
lovingkindness, compassion and
understanding.
Prior to Kol Nidrei, there is a custom to say
Tefilla Zakkah, a prayer of introspection and

remorse. In this tefilla, we acknowledge that
“For a sin between man and his friend, Yom
Kippur does not atone until one appeases his
friend.” Therefore, we beseech HaShem “…
to allow me to find favor, kindness and mercy
in Your eyes and in the eyes of all people. I
extend complete forgiveness to everyone
who has sinned against me. And just as I
forgive everyone, so may You grant me favor
in every person’s eyes, so that he will grant
me complete forgiveness.”
As I think of these words, Zeide’s Kol Nidrei
night message resonates in my mind. Is there
anyone closer to us than our own family and
friends that we should have in mind when
reciting this prayer? In the z’chus of ridding
ourselves of grudges against others, HaShem
will warm the hearts of others to be forgiving
of us, and bring peace and unity between
people.
The days before Yom Kippur are busy ones.
We say additional tefillos, do extra mitzvos
and acts of chesed. During these days, many
have the custom to visit kivrei tzadikim, the
burial place of great, righteous people. When
davening at the kever of a tzadik, we ask
HaShem to look at us with compassion, and
have mercy upon us, in the merit of the

righteous who lie there.
Rabbi Dov Ber of Lubavitch, known as the
mittele Rebbe, teaches that a person’s prayer
in a holy place is more readily accepted. It is
in this spirit that many make the long trip to
Monsey to daven at the burial place of the
Ribnitzer Rebbe, Rabbi Chaim Zanvil
Abramowitz zt”l (1893-1995). He was
renowned for his holiness, his fearless
service of Hashem, and for the many
incredible miracles he brought about.
Thousands sought out his guidance and
brachos during his lifetime.
Zeide taught us that Yom Kippur is not
only about asking Hashem for forgiveness;
it is about learning to forgive others. Last
year, I heard a story that brought that same
lesson to life in a personal way.
A rabbi from my community spoke before
Kol Nidrei about his experience on a visit to
the kever of the Ribnitzer. Upon his arrival,
he found himself among hundreds who were
davening at the kever that day. Not only were
there daveners there, but there were also
many collectors, people asking for tzedaka,
each with their own story and cause.
To each one, the rabbi gave several dollars.
Each one expressed his thanks. But there
was one who was persistent. One who said
he needs some more. And so, the rabbi
gave him a few more dollars.
After the rabbi finished saying Tehillim
and his personal tefillos, that same collector
approached him once again. He was
relentless. “Rabbi, you surely have more
money to give me.” The rabbi explained
that he had exhausted all the tzedaka
money he brought with him. As he made
his way back to the car, he had company.
The collector was following him. When
they reached the car, he made one last
pitch. “Maybe you have some more tzedaka
money in the car?”
Totally exhausted from a long day, the
rabbi had enough. He said that he already
gave, said goodbye, and drove off.
That night, the rabbi sat down to prepare
his Kol Nidrei message. But the words did
not come. The image of the collector stood
before his eyes. His words kept on playing
in the rabbi’s mind. “Maybe you have some
more tzedaka money in the car?”
The rabbi was troubled. The theme of his
Kol Nidrei message was how we ask
HaShem to look away from our
wrongdoings, and give us even greater
bracha than what we are deserving. We
acknowledge our shortcomings, but that
doesn’t prevent us from asking for more
and more. Good health, more parnassah,
nachas, and so much more. How could he

speak about showing extra kindness and
compassion, about having understanding and
looking away, when he himself shut the door
and drove off? Do we not learn that HaShem
looks at us as we look towards others? If we
want HaShem to go the extra mile for us,
shouldn’t we be doing the same for others?
The next day, the rabbi knew what he had to
do. To practice the very message
he intended to preach. And so, he literally
went the extra mile, and made the return trip
to Monsey. For a busy rabbi before Yom
Kippur, not a simple task. Once again, there
were hundreds at the kever. Once again, he
distributed tzedaka to the collectors. And
once again, the collector who asked him for
more and more was amongst them. This time,
the rabbi approached him first. He wished
him a G’mar Chasima Tova, and handed him
an envelope with extra tzedaka money.
Sometimes going the extra mile means
giving a little more. Sometimes it means
forgiving someone who has tested our
patience. And sometimes it means literally
getting back into the car and driving back to
Monsey.
Yom Kippur is approaching. The book is
open, judgment waiting to be sealed. If we
want HaShem to give us more than we
deserve, we must do the same for others,
without being judgmental of what we think
they may deserve.
A story is told of Rav Yisroel Salanter (1810-
1887). Once, on a late night, through a lit
window, he noticed a shoemaker working by
candlelight. Rav Salanter had to ask the
shoemaker why he was working so late. The
shoemaker replied, “As long as the light
burns, there is time to mend, to fix”. What a
life lesson. As long as we can, as long as our
light is burning, there is still time l’takein, to
mend and fix. To commit to positive change.
We are approaching Yom Hadin. Let’s use
our light, our inner strength, to better
ourselves. Let’s give forgiveness and seek
forgiveness. To go above and beyond with
understanding and compassion for others.
And in that z’chus, may we all be sealed for
a good new year.