29 Oct GRANDFATHERS IN JUDAISM

I. Teaching
Torah
G r a n d p a r e n t s
fulfill a unique
mitzvah by
teaching their
descendants Torah.
The Gemara (Kiddushin 30a) offers
someone named Zevulun ben Dan as an
example of the highest level of parental
Torah teaching. His grandfather taught
him the entire Torah — Bible, Mishnah,
Gemara, Halachah and Aggadah. The
Gemara continues that whoever teaches
his grandson Torah makes it as if the
child received the Torah from Sinai.
Right after the Torah says, “And make
them known to your children and your
children’s children” (Deut. 4:9), which
Rashi (ad loc.) explains refers to the
commandments, the text continues
with “the day that you stood before
the Lord your God at Chorev” (ibid.,
9). Grandparents continue the chain of
transmission from Sinai.
Maharshal (Yam Shel
Shlomo, Kiddushin 1:58) concludes

that a grandfather is obligated to pay
for a tutor for his grandson, if that child
otherwise will not learn Torah. Rav
Yosef Karo (Kessef Mishneh, Hilchos
Talmud Torah 1:2) questions whether
this applies only to a son’s son or also to
a daughter’s son. Since a daughter is only
obligated to learn Torah in order to fulfill
it, rather than as an abstract, all-inclusive
obligation, perhaps a daughter’s son
cannot be more of an obligation than the
daughter. Shach (Yoreh De’ah 245:1)
believes that a grandfather has a unique
obligation to all grandsons, regardless of
whether they are the son of a daughter
or son.
II. Respect
The Ten Commandments require
children to respect their parents. What
about grandparents? The Gemara
(Makkos 12a) contrasts two teachings
about a man who kills his son by accident.
According to one teaching, another son
becomes the go’el ha-dam, the avenging
relative who may kill the murderer if he
fails to reach a city of refuge. According
to another teaching, a son cannot become

a go’el ha-dam for his father,
since he is forbidden to hit his
father. The Gemara answers
that the teaching permitting it
refers to a grandson, who may
avenge his father’s death even
if the accidental murderer was
his grandfather. Rashi (ad
loc., sv. h”g ela) explains that
a grandson is not obligated to
respect his grandfather and
therefore may hit and even kill
him, when otherwise permitted. Based
on this, Maharik (no. 44) concludes that
a grandson is not obligated to honor
his grandfather (any more than he is
obligated to honor everyone).
However, elsewhere the Gemara
(Sotah 49a) tells the story of Rav Acha
bar Ya’akov who raised his grandson,
Rav Ya’akov. One time, Rav Acha
asked Rav Ya’akov to bring him water
and Rav Ya’akov refused, saying, “I’m
not your son.” Rashi (ad loc., sv. bar)
explains that a grandson does not have
to honor his grandfather like a son has
to honor his father. Many commentaries
and authorities deduce from Rashi’s
wording that a grandson has a unique
obligation to respect his grandfather but
it is less than the obligation a son has
to his father (e.g. Minchas Elazar 3:33).
Rema (Yoreh De’ah 240:24) rules this
way.
Rashi’s comment regarding the go’el
ha-dam can be interpreted similarly, as
meaning that a grandson must respect
his grandfather, but not like his father.
Taz (Yoreh De’ah 240:20) points out
that Rashi offers a similar interpretation
in his commentary to the Torah (Gen.
46:1). Ya’akov offered sacrifices to the
God of his father, Yitzchak. Rashi says
that Ya’akov specifically mentioned
only Yitzchak, and not Avraham,
because a person is obligated to honor
his father more than his grandfather.
III. Not a Father
Rav Ya’akov acts strangely in the
above story about Rav Acha asking
his grandson to get him water. Why
would he respond disrespectfully to the
grandfather who raised him? Perhaps
this story teaches us the answer to
a broader question: why shouldn’t
a person be obligated to honor his
grandfather like his father?
Rav Ya’akov wasn’t displaying
disrespect and ingratitude to his

grandfather. He was teaching a
fundamental lesson, certainly expressed
in a context of love. A basic message
that grandparents sometimes forget
is that a grandparent is not a parent.
Someone who raises you or teaches
you or otherwise showers you in
goodness deserves your gratitude and
respect. However, the bond between
a parent and child surpasses all other
human relationships (except perhaps
your spouse). Typically, grandparents
give to their grandchildren, offering
guidance and wisdom but serving more
as benefactor than enforcer. Parents give
plenty but also discipline. Similarly, we
look to God as our father, who gives us
so much but punishes us when we break
the rules. Confusion about the parental
role – parenting like grandparents
without strong discipline – can lead to
confusion about God, expecting only
divine blessing and feeling resentment
over punishment.
Our obligations to our grandparents
are real. However, they cannot compare
to our obligations to our parents, who
brought us into this world. In some ways,
parents serve as God’s representative
in a young child’s life (albeit not
always successfully). Even when a
grandfather has to fill the void of a lost or
incapacitated father, as with the teaching
of Torah mentioned above and other laws
(e.g. circumcision), he does not become
the parent. The biological and spiritual
bond of a parent and child is not merely
greater than all other relationships but
qualitatively different. The grandfather
is treated differently, not because he does
not deserve respect but because a parent
deserves a unique level of respect.