20 Apr HALACHICALLY SPEAKING: CUSTOMS DURING SEFIRA PART 2
The last article dealt with many of the customs regarding certain activities during sefira. In this article we will continue to deal with other customs regarding sefira. For example: Are vorts permitted to be made during sefira with dancing? Is listening to music permitted while driving or exercising? Is listening to acapela music permitted? Can one buy clothing etc during sefira? Is moving into a house permitted? When can weddings be made? These and other questions will be dealt with in this issue.
Engagements and Weddings
Weddings are not permitted during sefira (unless it is not one’s time of holding sefira) but engagements are permitted during sefira. One is also permitted to make a vort but dancing is not allowed.
The custom is that one is permitted to get married and have music on Lag B’omer. Some say that the only time that one may get married on Lag B’omer is by day. The Sefardim have the custom to marry on the thirty-fourth day of the omer. When Lag B’omer falls out on Friday then even the Sefardim may make weddings on Thursday night. The overwhelming custom is that one may get married the night of Lag B’omer. However others have the custom not to get married on Lag B’omer as well. A wedding that started on Lag B’omer by day may continue into the night. Dancing and music are permitted at a wedding on Lag B’omer.
It is interesting to point out that one who goes to a chasana during the time he is observing the restrictions of sefira may only dance after the chosson and kallah come out from taking pictures. This is because before they come out the dancing is not considered being mes’ameach the chosson and kallah.
Even those who hold like the Arizal and are noheg the issur of taking haircuts on all days of sefira may make a wedding on Lag B’omer.
Some say one should try to make sure not to make weddings during sefira since some people may be holding sefira. Instead they should be made on Lag B’omer, or from Rosh Chodesh Sivan and on.
Attending a Wedding during one’s Sefira
One who is during his sefira may still attend a wedding of someone who is making a wedding when the bal simcha is not holding sefira. This is even if he wants to dance and listen to music there.
Sheva Berochos
Some say no dancing or music is allowed during sheva berochos if the one attending is during his sefira. However, the custom is to be lenient and permit it.
Dancing on Chol Hamoed
Some say dancing which is not a mitzvah may not be permitted on chol hamoed. According to this, one would not be able to go to a party if they have dancing (even without music). If one is going to be uplifted, such as going to a Rebbe’s tisch, it is permitted to dance. The custom seems to be that we are lenient with dancing and listening to music on chol hamoed.
Weddings after Lag B’omer
According to those who hold sefira until Lag B’omer, one is permitted to make weddings after Lag B’omer and on. However, the custom is that weddings (haircuts are different because since there is less joy) are not made from after Lag B’omer until the day of Sivan, while others say the custom is to be lenient even after Rosh Chodesh Sivan.
Dancing after Rosh Chodesh Sivan
Some say from Lag B’omer until Shavuos no non-mitzvah dancing should take place, even if one is not holding sefira. However, the custom of many is to be lenient with this. There is an uncertainty if non-mitzvah dancing is permitted from Rosh Chodesh Sivan until Shavuos.
Seudas Reshus
One is permitted to make a seuda during these days which is not a mitzvah but one may not have dancing. This is true for a fundraising dinner as well.
Seudas Mitzvah
One is permitted to make other seudas mitzvahs during sefira such as a siyum mesechta. Dancing is permitted by this meal if one normally dances by such a meal. Those who dance on Shabbos would be permitted to do so on Shabbos during sefira since there is no aveilus on Shabbos.
Bar Mitzvah /Bas Mitzvah
One is permitted to make a bar mitzvah or bas mitzvah during sefira without music or dancing.
Chanukas Habayis
Some say one should not have a chanukas habayis during sefira. Nonetheless, the custom is to be lenient.
Music
The early poskim do not mention a custom to refrain from music during sefira. However, later poskim mention that listening to music is not allowed during sefira. Therefore, the custom is that music in any form may not be listened to during sefira, even in one’s home (see below). However, when it is permitted to have dancing, listening to music or having a band play music is also permitted.
A cappella
Many say singing without music is not permitted. Therefore, the newest fad of listening to a cappella CDs cannot be a viable loophole during sefira. It defeats the whole purpose of the isssur because the musical experience is what is really ossur, which the a cappella singing provides in full. There are some poskim who maintain that one is permitted to listen to singing on a CD etc without music even if there are pleasant harmonies.
Radio, Tapes and CDs
The custom is that one is not permitted to listen to music from the radio, tapes or CDs during sefira (even if one is lenient and listens to music all year). If the tape only has slow music and one is listening in order to lift his spirit, then doing so is permitted. However, others say if one sings into a tape without beats it is considered music and forbidden. Included in this discussion is classical music or tapes from a chazzon. For example, one who is sick r”l in bed and needs music to lift his spirit is permitted to listen to such music according to the first opinion.
Children’s CDs
One is permitted to listen to a children’s music CD etc since he is not doing so for enjoyment, but rather that his child should enjoy the music. Children who have reached the age of chinuch should refrain from listening to music during sefira.
Driving
One who wishes to listen to music while driving in order to keep him awake may do so even during his sefira period. One who does not listen to music and is n a car where others are listening to music (not during their sefira period) does not have to ask for the music to be shut off.
Parnasa
One who depends on playing musical instruments for his parnasa is permitted to practice a musical instrument or play one at a wedding or other seudas mitzvah (even if he is holding sefira). One who is having lessons can continue during sefira.
Singing
Some had the custom not to sing during sefira. However, l’maseh, one is permitted to sing a song during sefira without the accompaniment of music. This is common when signing while learning, while davening, or during zemiros.
Background Music
One who walks into a store and hears background music may listen to the music and is not obligated to close his ears. The same is true if one wants to have a meeting in his house and put on a little background music. Similarly, listening to music when being placed on hold, or when waiting in a waiting room at a doctor, etc is permitted.
Without Intent
Many cases of listening to music are not because one wishes to enjoy the music. For example, one who is exercising and wishes to listen to music to make the exercising better is permitted to do so since his intent is not to enjoy the music. In a playgroup or nursery a teacher may play music even during her sefira.
Dancing and Music on Lag B’omer
Many have the custom to make bonfires (and dancing) on the night of Lag B’omer. Others say that the simcha should start by day. However, because of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai the minhag is to do the bonfire and dancing etc at night all over the world and not only in Meron. However, music not accompanied by a bonfire should not be listened to until the next day after neitz hachama.