22 Jun HALACHICALLY SPEAKING: THE THREE WEEKS

The time of the three weeks is a time when we avoid many activities. Why do we refrain from such activities? What are included in these activities? Below we will discuss the halachos of the three weeks.

Introduction

We live in a world today where it is very hard to realize what we are missing by not having the Bais Hamikdosh. We have gotten too comfortable with our houses etc and are not really waiting for the day that Moshiach will come. The Gemorah tells us one who mourns over the Bais Hamikdosh will merit seeing it rebuilt. The Shulchan Aruch tells us that a G-D fearing person should worry about the churban Bais Hamikdosh every day of his life.

Five tragic occurrences happened on Shiva Asar B’tamuz: 1. Moshe Rabbeinu broke the luchos when he came down from Har Sinai and saw the eigel 2. The karbon tamid was no longer brought in the first Bais Hamikdosh. 3. The destruction of the second Bais Hamikdosh started. 4. Apostumos burnt the Torah 5. A tzelem was placed in the heichel. On Tisha B’av the following tragedies happened: 1. Klal Yisroel were told they were not going into Eretz Yisroel because they wept in vain after hearing the evil report of the meraglim. 2. The first and second Bais Hamikdosh were destroyed. 3. Beitar, which was home to thousands of Jews, was captured by the Romans. 4. Turnisrupos surrounded the heichel.

Because of the above tragedies, the custom is to refrain from many activities during the days between Shiva Asar B’tamuz and Tisha B’av, which are commonly known as “Ben Hametzarim.”

Source

Based on the sources in the footnote below it would seem that the time for aveilus is either from Rosh Chodesh Av or during the week of Tisha B’av. However, many poskim among them the Rama bring down that the time of aveilus starts from Shiva Asar B’tamuz.

Night Before or in the Morning

There is a discussion among the poskim if one has to refrain from the actions which are not done during the three weeks from the morning of Shiva Asar B’tamuz or even the night before? Most poskim say that one should refrain from doing these activities even from the night before, from tzeis. In a pressing situation one can be lenient (i.e. wedding on Motzei Shabbos).

Some are of the opinion that during ben hashmoshes one can be lenient with the actions which are customarily refrained from during the three weeks (i.e. haircut).

There is a minority view that holds that some have the custom not to eat meat from Shiva Asar B’tamuz until after Tisha B’av, (except for Shabbos), but the custom is not like this. Some have the custom to fast each day from Shiva Asar B’tamuz until after Tisha B’av, but the custom is not like this, especially for one who teaches Torah and is concerned it will affect his learning.

Mourning Mid-day

Many poskim mention that after the mid-day point of every day during the three weeks one should take some time out to mourn over the destruction of the Bais Hamikdosh. Nonetheless, this should not be done on Erev Shabbos, Erev Rosh Chodesh Av, Rosh Chodesh and Erev Tisha B’av.

Restricted Activities

There are basically four main activities which are customarily restricted during the three weeks. 1. Joy, such as a wedding, dancing or music. 2. Haircuts. 3. Reciting a shehechiyanu. 4. Dangerous situations. We will now begin to discuss these activities in the order in which they appear in the Shulchan Aruch.

Weddings

The custom of Ashkenazim is to refrain from making weddings from the night of Shiva Asar B’tamuz until after Tisha B’av. This is even if one has not fulfilled the mitzvah of having children (see above in regard to making a wedding the night of Shiva Asar B’tamuz). One is permitted to get engaged (vort) or write a tenayim during the three weeks but only without a seuda or dancing). One is permitted to make a seuda for a bris milah or pidyon haben during the three weeks.

Some say that at a sheva berochos which takes during the three weeks, one may not have dancing or music. Others permit dancing but no music, and others permit both dancing and music.

Music

Just as dancing is not done during the three weeks, it is customary to refrain from listening to music as well. This applies to tapes, radios, CDs or DVDs. Some poskim are lenient and permit even live music at a seudas mitzvah.

One who wishes to listen to music while exercising or in a waiting room is permitted to do so. One does not have to shut off a musical ringer on his cell phone during the three weeks. If one is driving and is scared of falling asleep, listening to music is permitted. One is permitted to listen to music if he is suffering from depression and the music will lift his spirits.

Children below the age of chinuch are permitted to listen to music. This applies to adults who are listening to the children’s music as well (i.e. while driving in the car). In addition, a teacher in a playgroup may play music for her students who are under the age of chinuch during the three weeks.

There is a discussion in the poskim if playing a musical instrument for one’s livelihood is permitted during the three weeks. The consensus of the poskim is that doing so is permitted, although some say only until Rosh Chodesh Av. It is proper not to have music lessons during the three weeks.

Newest Fad

Many say singing without music is not permitted. Therefore, the newest fad to have music which simulates instrumental music (A capella) is not a viable loophole during the three weeks. Such singing defeats the whole purpose of the isssur because the musical experience is what is really ossur, which A capella singing provides in full. If there is singing without music then it may be permitted.

In addition, some say even if one sings into a CD without beats it is considered music and forbidden.

Singing

Singing with one’s mouth is permitted during the three weeks. Some say singing songs which brings joy should not be done.

According to some poskim listening to a CD of chazzanos without music is permitted even if one finds it enjoyable.

Haircuts

The custom of Ashkenazim is not to take haircuts from Shiva Asar B’tamuz until after Tisha B’av. This applies to both men and women. The reason for this is since one does not take a haircut so often, if we were allowed to take haircuts until Rosh Chodesh Av it would not be recognizable that we let our hair grow after Rosh Chodesh, therefore, the custom is to refrain from haircuts for the entire three week period. This stands true even for the honor of Shabbos. One is permitted to comb his hair even if some hair may fall out.

Some say an Ashkenazi can give a Sefardi a haircut since the Sefardi is permitted to have a haircut until the week of Tisha B’av, but l’halacha one should not do so. Others say if a Sefardi (who is permitted to take a haircut until the week of Tisha B’av) wishes he can be stringent and not give haircuts to Ashkenazim, but according to the letter of the law doing so is permitted.

An adult may not give a child a haircut, since one should teach his children about the churban, however, if it is for the need of the child then doing so is permitted until the week of Tisha B’av. One should avoid performing an upsherin of a child during the three weeks.

The haircut which is forbidden refers to the head and beard (shaving). If one’s mustache is getting long and in the way of eating, it may be shaven.

One who works in a place that if he does not shave or take a haircut he will lose his job, may shave or take a haircut during the three weeks, except for the week of Tisha B’av.

A woman whose hair grows long enough that it starts coming out of her head covering may shave it. The same is true if the shaving is done for tznius reasons. Going for electrolysis is permitted for a woman. A woman is permitted to tweeze her eyebrows during the three weeks. A sheitel which needs to be fixed or cut is permitted until Rosh Chodesh Av. A girl who is involved with dating can shave before she goes on a date.