19 Nov HAYEH-SARA: FALL OFF THE CAMEL

Parashat Hayeh-Sara tells
the famous story of Eliezer,
Avraham Avinu’s servant,
who traveled to Aram
Nahariyim to find a
suitable match for Avraham’s
son, Yitzhak. At the well
outside the city, he met Rivka, and brought
her back to Israel to marry Yitzhak.
Something mysterious happened when
Rivka saw Yitzhak for the first
time. Yitzhak had gone out to the fields to
pray, and Rivka, who was riding a camel,
saw him. She promptly fell off the camel.
Why did Rivka fall off the camel when she
saw Yitzhak? Why did the sight of
Yitzchak praying have such an impact on
her?
One explanation is that Rivka at this
moment discovered that Yitzhak was not
precisely the person she thought he was.
Rivka was a paragon of hesed, loving
kindness. When Eliezer saw her at the
well outside her city, he approached her
and ask for some water, and she proceeded
to draw water for all his ten camels. It was
then when Eliezer determined that she

should marry Avraham’s son – because
Avraham was, of course, the embodiment
of hesed. It seemed like the perfect match
– a young woman who excelled in the area
of hesed, marrying the son of Avraham,
the greatest exemplar of hesed that the
world has ever known.
Yitzhak, however, differed from his
father. He of course performed hesed, but
this was not his primary characteristic. He
excelled mainly in the area

of gevurah (literally, “power”) – self-
discipline and self-sacrifice in the devoted

service of Hashem. His strength was in
prayer and in serving Hashem, not in
extending hesed to other people.
This is what Rivka realized when she saw
him praying outside in the field. She had
expected Yitzhak to be just like her, and
she now recognized that he wasn’t. He
differed somewhat from her expectations.
Vatipol Maal Hagamal – Rivka fell from
the gamal (camel). T h e
word gamal alludes to Gemilut Chassadim
– extending kindness. The Torah is telling
us that Rivka made the decision to adjust,
to adapt to what Yitzhak was. Needless to

say, both she and Yitzhak were still
kind and giving people. But Rivka
realized that Yitzhak’s primary
area of excellence was something
else, and so she needed to adapt
accordingly. She needed to “get
down” from her focus on Gemilut
Chassadim.
This insight presents a crucial
lesson to every young man and
young woman in the process of
seeking a marriage partner, or who
is beginning marriage. A successful
marriage requires a degree of
flexibility. Almost every husband
and wife realize at some point early on in
the marriage that their partner is not
precisely what they expected. There is
always something about the spouse that
comes as a surprise. And so marriage
partners need to “fall off the camel,” to
descend from their lofty expectations, and
accept each other for who they are. Many
of the problems that arise in marriage
result from inflexibility, an unwillingness
to “fall off the camel,” to adjust. The more
flexible we are, the happier a relationship
we will be able to create.

Rivka understood that although Yitzhak
was not precisely what she expected, this
did not mean there was something wrong
with him. It meant simply that he was
great in a different way. This is what we
need to understand in our relationships,
too. Just because somebody is not
precisely what we want him to be, this is
not a reason to lose respect for that
person. We need to train ourselves to “fall
off the camel,” to have some flexibility,
and appreciate people for who they are
even when we expected something a little
different.