23 Dec HOW SWEET ISN’T REVENGE

The Gemora teaches
us, “Smuchin min
HaTorah.” There is
significance when two
subjects are juxtaposed
by Hashem in our Torah.
The Birchas Ish therefore
wonders why the laws
not to take revenge and not to bear a grudge
are juxtaposed to the chukim/statutes that
prohibit cross breeding animals and the
wearing of shatnez, a mixture of wool and
linen. He gives a fascinating answer by first
citing the Chinuch’s explanation concerning
the transgression of revenge. The Chinuch,
the renowned master of the mitzvos, wonders
how is it possible that, if someone causes us to
lose our job, disrupts a marriage or wrecks a
shidduch, that we should not seek revenge or
even nurse a grudge. He explains that, if we
have the proper Torah hashkafah, any wrong
that occurs to us can only transpire because
of our own faults. If that is the case, we will
realize that we only have ourselves to blame
for what happened. The job was lost or the
shidduch wrecked because of our sins and
not because of the person who did it. He was
only Hashem’s agent but not the cause of why
it happened. This helps us to shift our anger
away from the person who actually activated
the problem.

With this, explains the Birchas Ish, we
understand the proximity of the prohibition of
revenge to the chukim of shatnez and the like.
For, as Rashi explains, we do the chukim since
they are gezeiras HaMelech, the decrees of
Hashem. This means that even though chukim
are beyond our understanding, such as why we
cannot have linen threads under our woolen
collars or why it is forbidden to cross breed
animals, we nevertheless abhor these acts.
Similarly, if we understand that the wrongs
others did to us are really gezeiras HaMelech,
it will greatly lessen our animosity to the
perpetrators who set the havoc in motion.
Yosef HaTzaddik exhibits this way of thinking.
His brothers lowered him naked into a pit of
snakes and scorpions and mercilessly ignored
his cries for compassion. Then they added
fuel to the fire when they sold him into what

seemed to be perpetual slavery. Still, twenty-
two years later, Yosef refused to take revenge

when he was the powerful viceroy of Egypt.
Instead, he treated them lovingly – explaining
to them. “Lo atem shlachtem osi Hana ki im
HaElokim – You didn’t send me here, rather
Hashem did,” so that, “Ki l’michya,” there
would be a through me source of life for the
entire family. Yosef is expressing here the
Chinuch’s concept. It would be wrong for me
to harbor hatred to you, my brothers, since it
is clear that it was all Hashem’s orchestration.

The Chofetz Chaim adds another profound
insight into the prohibition concerning
revenge. He advises us to reflect on how many
times and how often we anger Hashem. Think
about the times we stand in front of Him in our
Shemone Esrei and have the gall to daydream
and simply mumble the words quickly, without
any concentration whatsoever. Or, what about
the fact that Hashem created us primarily to
learn Torah and yet we can go many days
without even opening up a sefer. Or, how
about the fact that Hashem tells us that the
most heinous crime possible is to speak lashon
hara, sinful gossip, and yet many of us carry
on forbidden conversations with a casualness
that must infuriate Hashem. Nevertheless, He
continues to give us life and supply us with
all of our needs. Therefore, concludes the
Chofetz Chaim in the sefer Ahavas Chesed,
we should behave similarly and care for,
without interruption, even those who behave
improperly towards us.
We should be especially mindful of this Torah
attitude when it comes to our behavior with our
spouse. It is natural to engage in a tit-for-tat
relationship. If a wife sends-off her husband
in the morning with the ‘cold treatment,’ he
might respond negatively to her requests for
help later on in the evening. If he snaps at
her sarcastically or irritably, her sweet side
goes into hibernation later on. While this is

‘natural’ behavior, the Chofetz Chaim teaches
us that this is not Torah behavior. Rather, we
should emulate Hashem, Who lovingly and
wonderfully continues to care for us even
when we behave poorly to Him. Concludes
the Chofetz Chaim, this is why the posuk says
, “V’ahavtah l’rei’acha k’mocha, Ani Hashem
– Love your fellow like yourself for I am
Hashem,” which he explains to mean, “Behave
like Me; Just as I continue to show love even
when it is underserved, so you should do the
same.”
May it be the will of Hashem that in the merit
of our living up to these lofty Torah ideals, we
should be blessed with long life, good health,
and everything wonderful.