28 Oct HOW TO FIND FAVOR IN THE EYES OF HASHEM

Every morning at the
end of our Birchas
HaShachar, we petition
Hashem, “Us’neinu
hayom uv’chol yom
l’chein, ul’chesed,
ul’rachamim b’Einecha…
– Grant us today and every
day that we find favor,
kindness, and mercy in Your Eyes.” Our
first request is for chein. What exactly is the
component of chein that we are asking for?
Similarly in Bentching, in the fourth berachah
when we ask for fifteen requests, we start-off
with the request for chein. So too, in Ya’aleh
v’Yavo on Rosh Chodesh and other special
days, we ask Hashem for chein. Also, in the
first of the middle blessings of the Shemoneh
Esrei when we supplicate Hashem for
knowledge, we again use the words “Chaneinu
mei’It’cha – Grant to us.”
The word chein is the root of the word chinam
which means free. If we merit to find chein
in the Eyes of Hashem, He will freely give us
things even if we don’t really deserve them.
Thus, we find that when it says, “V’Noach
matza chein b’Einei Hashem – That Noach
found favor in the Eyes of Hashem.” The Or
HaChaim HaKodesh states that even Noach
would have been destroyed during the flood,
but he found favor in the Eyes of Hashem and
thus he was granted a free passage to the new
world.

How does one find favor in the Eyes of
Hashem? The great Chida, zt”l, zy”a, says
that the secret lies in the word chein itself, for
chein is an anagram of the word noach, which
means easygoing and gentle. This is recipe of
how to find favor in the Eyes of Hashem. As
the Mishnah informs us in Pirkei Avos [3:10],
“Kol she’ruach habrios nochah heimenu,
ruach HaMakom nochah heimenu,”whoever
finds that people are at ease with him can be
confident that Hashem is good with him as
well!
This is a most fundamental Mishnah. Every
growing person wants to know if Hashem is
pleased with him and this Mishnah reveals to
us the litmus test of how to know if Hashem
is happy with the way we are behaving.
The Mishnah is very precise with its word
selection. It doesn’t say, “If people like you,
then Hashem likes you.” Unfortunately, there
are a lot of very naughty people who people
like very much. For example, take the popular
person who always knows the scoop, he’s
the belle of the ball. In reality though, he’s
a scoundrel, a big baal lashon hara, and he
surely is not pleasing in the Eyes of Hashem.
The Mishnah carefully says the word nochah,
which means that people are at ease with
him. Others don’t walk around on eggshells
when they speak with him because he has an
easygoing nature. He’s not rigid, he’s not
abrasive, and he’s not excitable. This is the
temperament that Hashem is pleased with!

In the famous Igeres HaRamban, the advice
that the saintly Ramban wrote to his son,
the very first piece of advice he gives is,
“L’dabeir kol d’varecha b’nachas – To speak
all your words gently, l’chol adam – to every
person, uv’chol eis – and at all times.” It is
absolutely noteworthy that of all the various
and numerous areas of life, the Ramban picked
the subject of gentle speech as his Number
One direction to his dear son. It reveals to us
how important this trait is in a successful life!
The Ramban uses the word kol (or chol) in all
three instances, emphasizing that one should be
gentle in kol d’varecha, with all one’s words;
even when they are important and urgent,
even when they’ve been repeatedly ignored,
and even if they’ve been defied. Then he says
l’chol adam, with all people; even with very
difficult people, and v’chol eis, at all times;
even in very stressful times like erev Shabbos,
erev Pesach, before a test or during tax season.
Noach was a titled man. He was crowned by
many Biblical accolades. He was called ish,
a mentch, tzadik, a righteous person, tamim,
perfect, es HaElokim hishalech Noach, Noach
walked with G-d. But the very first title that
Noach received was, “Eilah toldos Noach:
noach – These are the accounts of Noach:
noach.” The second noach was his first title.
The Tosefos HaRosh explains noach to mean
that he was an ish naichah, an easygoing man.
This is the crowning virtue of humanity!
In Yiddish, there is a word that defies a single

word equivalency in the English language.
The word is eidelkeit. Eidelkeit is a mixture
of gentleness, refinement, and nobility of
spirit. When we cultivate eidelkeit, being
mild-mannered with our spouse, our parents,
our children, our friends and all our associates,
we achieve the coveted trait of being m’urav
im habrios, being able to easily mingle with
all people. This is the path to find chein, favor
in the Eyes of Hashem, and to be protected
with Divine Approval, even when we might
otherwise not deserve it and even during the
toughest of times!
In the merit of our striving for a more gentle
temperament, may Hashem bless us with long
life, good health, and everything wonderful.