15 Aug IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GOING, ANY ROAD WILL GET YOU THEREBY

I recently drove to a
funeral at a cemetery
deep in Miami. One of
the other attendees
asked me which route I
took to get there. I
thought for a moment
and realized I couldn’t remember. I had entered
the address into Waze before I left and was so
preoccupied with phone calls the whole way
down, I arrived at the destination with no
memory of how I got there.
When Hashem refers to the holiest place in
the world, He doesn’t give us an address or
coordinates. He didn’t offer directions or what
route to take. He simply says:
כי ִּ אםִ־אל-ֶ־הַמָּקֹום אשֲֶׁ ר-־יבִחְַר ה״ אֱלקֹיכםֶ֙
מִּכל-ָ־שִׁ בטְֵיכםֶ לשָּׂום אתֶ־שְׁ מֹו שָׁ ם -לשְִׁ כנְֹו
תִדְרְׁשּו ּובאָת-ָ שָׁ מָּה׃
Look only to the site that Hashem your G-d
will choose amidst all your tribes to set His
name there, you shall inquire after His
dwelling and come there.
What is this mysterious place that Hashem
wants us to find? Why doesn’t Hashem provide
the coordinates for it? Why not give an address
for Moshe to plug into his GPS?
The Chizkuni says there was no set address
as the precursor to the Beis HaMikdash, the

Mishkan, moved around. The Ramban
disagrees and says the adverb “there” is, in
fact, referring to the Beis HaMikdash. The
location isn’t revealed because Hashem wants
us to seek it, to calibrate our compass towards
holiness and to find it. Rather than give a
specific location, Hashem wants us to intuit the
location of the holiest place on earth and then
confirm it with a Navi, a prophet.
The Ramban offers a second understanding,
explaining that the word שמה ,”there” is not
referring to a geographical location, but is
modifying the word “ לשכנו“ , to feeling
Hashem’spresence and influence. The Torah is
saying תדרשו , if you want to feel Hashem in
your life, seek Him, look for Him, reveal Him,
connect with Him.
Uncle Moishe famously sings that Hashem is
here, Hashem is there, Hashem is everywhere,
but the Kotzker Rebbe disagreed. When he
was yet a little boy, he was once asked where
can Hashem be found, and he answered, only
where you let Him in. It is up to us to have that
relationship to make that connection, to see
behind the curtain that Hashem is there all
along.
In Havdalah, we highlight the distinctions
בין אור לחושך- בין :things several between
ישראל לעמים- בין יום השביעי- לששת ימי
המעשה , between light and dark, Jews and

gentiles, the seventh day and the first six. Rav
Soloveitchik points out that light and darkness
are clear for all to perceive. Even animals
respond to the difference in these stimuli. But
the Havdalah between kodesh and chol, what
is holy and what is profane, is much different.
It cannot be perceived or measured by the
naked eye. A person needs to have a special
intuition, to see with his or her heart, as this
separation can only be sensed, not seen.
The Midrash (Tanchuma Vayera) says when
Avraham went with his entourage to the
Akeida, he saw Har HaMoriah from a distance
and turned to Yitzchak and asked, what do you
see? Yitzchak answered, I see a beautiful and
praiseworthy mountain and a cloud envelops
it. He asked Eliezer and Yishmael, what do
you see? They said, we see a barren desert. He
stay – שבו לכם פה- עם החמור ,them to said
here with the donkey – the donkey does not see
and you do not see, and כה עד -נלכה והנער ואני
, Yitzchak and I will go until there.
The “there,” was Har HaMoriah, the future
site of the Beis HaMikdash. Avraham intuited
holiness, Yitzchak was drawn to holiness, the
others saw barrenness, they saw a desolate
desert.
be to לשְִׁ כנְֹו תִדְרְׁשּו ּובאָת-ָ שָׁ מָּה, is ,Jew a be To
able to make Havdalah, to distinguish between
holy and profane, spiritual and mundane, and
be drawn to holiness, to seek spirituality.
A donkey sees everything as superficial,
only at its surface level. A donkey wants
to satisfy its appetite and to be happy. If
we fail to understand certain images,
ideas, media, language, behaviors are
profane, they are the opposite of holiness,
we are no better than a donkey. We have to
see beneath the surface, to distinguish
between what is holy and profane, what
brings out the best in us and what satisfies
a craving that is only skin deep.
We don’t strive for happiness; we strive
for and are to be drawn to holiness. To be
the progeny of Avraham is to intuit
holiness, to calibrate our compass of
kedusha and ,שמה ובאת go to it. To go to
“there” is to see Hashem in everything. In
every bite of an apple, every sunrise,
every meaningful experience and every
contact with kindness, you can feel
Hashem. In the words of the Kotzker, let
Him in, make room, invite Him into a
relationship.
We are welcoming the month of Elul,
which, as is well known, is an acronym
for לי- ודודי לדודי אני – I am to my beloved
and my beloved is to me. When we are in
a period of courtship, of falling in love,
we are tidreshu, we are drawn to the other.
We keep checking our phone to see if they
have called or texted, we count down until
the next time we will be together, and we
struggle to hang up the phone, no matter
what time of night.
Dr. John Gottman, one of the greatest

authorities on healthy marriage, explains what
we were doing when we stayed up all night
talking or finding it hard to get off the phone.
He says we were drawing love maps, learning
about one another, being inquisitive, we are
engaging in discovery and that creates
electricity, excitement and brings romance and
love.
But too often, we then get married, life,
children, responsibilities get in the way and we
stop drawing love maps. We have no time or
emotional energy to discover, to learn, to ask
about the other’s inner world, hopes and
dreams. And that is why many marriages
struggle. Gottman says continuing to draw
love maps is critical to a healthy marriage. (On
his website, you can download great questions
couples can use to ask one another and
continue to learn about one another deep into
marriage.)
Hashem doesn’t provide the coordinates or
the address, He wants us to draw the map in
our relationship, to use our spiritual intuition
to find Him, and to let Him in. How? The same
way we approach our other important
relationships. By learning, inquiring, being
curious about Hashem’s “inner world.”
It is time to renew our relationship with
Hashem, to bring ourselves back to a time
when we struggled to hang up with Him and
just wanted to talk all night, finding out more,
experiencing more. Relationships, both human
and with Hashem, need nurturing. They are fed
with a diet of time, communication and
attention. Our relationship with Hashem, like
all other relationships, needs all three.
When I met with the Skver Rebbe a few years
ago, he asked me a lot of questions about the
community – he was truly curious about what it
is like here. At the end of our conversation, he
said he had one more question. He turned to
me and said, Rav Goldberg, are there
mevakshim in Boca Raton? Does your
community have seekers, people who are
looking for Hashem? I was proud to give him
a resounding yes, but I found it fascinating that
this was his major question and it struck me, it
should be the question of ourselves as well.
Are we mevakshim, are we dorshim, are we
searching for Hashem by learning about Him,
talking to Him, listening to Him. Over Elul and
beyond, set aside time to learn daily, talk to
Hashem in davening in a way you haven’t in a
long time. Draw your new love maps, reignite
the energy and don’t let your relationship
remain stale.