21 Apr KEDOSHIM: ELEVATING THE PERSON, NOT THE MISTAKE

We find in Parashat
Kedoshim (19:17) the
command “Hochi’ah
Tochi’ah Et Amitecha”
– to reprimand one’s
fellow who acts
improperly, so that he will improve his
behavior.
King Shlomo, in the Book of Mishleh (9:8),
offers advice regarding the proper approach to
the delicate topic of Tocheha – reprimanding
and rebuking. He teaches, “Al Tochah
Letz Pen Yisna’eka, Hochah Le’hacham
Ve’ye’ehaveka” – “Do not reprimand the
scoffer, lest he despise you; reprimand the
wise, and he will love you.”
The simple meaning of this verse is that
King Shlomo is telling us whom to criticize
and whom not to criticize. The “Letz,” the
“scoffer,” should not be expected to accept
criticism, and so it is best not to criticize
him. Many people are simply not receptive
to criticism, as they assume they are always
correct, and have little interest in hearing
what others have to say. Their instinctive
reaction to criticism is something to the
effect of, “Who are you to talk?” “What do
you know?” “Don’t tell me what to do.” The
wise person, by contrast, understands that

he has something to learn from all people,
even those who are not necessarily as smart
as he is. With wisdom comes the humility to
recognize that all people, even the brightest
and most successful, make mistakes and have
more to learn. And so the wise person is open
to constructive criticism, and willing to accept
rebuke. Therefore, Shlomo tells us not to
bother reprimanding the “Letz,” the arrogant
cynic, but to offer criticism to the wise person
who is open to being corrected and advised.
Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky (1891-1986)
offered an additional explanation of this
verse – suggesting that King Shlomo here
teaches us not whom to reprimand, but how to
reprimand. He is telling us that when we offer
criticism, we should do so in a manner that
makes the person feel like a wise person, and
not like an evil “scoffer.” Unfortunately, our
instinct when giving criticism is to emphasize
the severity of the misdeed, and how ashamed
the person should feel for having committed
such an act. This approach, while instinctive,
is not only ineffective, but counterproductive.
If we emphasize to the person the gravity of
his wrongdoing, he is likely to either reject the
criticism altogether, or simply despair. He will
either not want to own up to the fact that he
did something terrible, and thus dismiss the
criticism, or he will acknowledge the severity

of his bad behavior and decide that he’s just
bad and so there is no reason for him to try to
improve. King Shlomo thus advises us, “Do
not reprimand the scoffer” – do not criticize
in a way that makes the person feel lowly.
Instead, “…reprimand the wise” – make him
feel important, wise and capable. The right
way to criticize is by emphasizing to the
individual his greatness, his vast potential,
how much Hashem loves him and wants him
to do the right thing, how much he is capable
of achieving. If we criticize in a manner that
makes the person feel “wise” and capable of
greatness, then he will embrace the criticism,
rather than reject it.
This perhaps sheds new light on the
continuation of the verse here in Parashat
Kedoshim. After commanding, “Hochi’ah
Tochi’ah Et Amitecha,” the Torah adds, “Ve’lo
Tisa Alav Het.” This is commonly understood
to mean, “and do not bear sin on his account,”
that is to say, if we fail to criticize, then we
are held partially accountable for the person’s
continued misconduct. Alternatively,
however, this could be read to mean, “Do
not elevate the sin.” When we reprimand, we
should not emphasize the severity of the act,
which will cause the person to despair. Rather
than “elevate” the sin, we should instead
elevate the person. We should emphasize not

how bad the person behaved, but rather how
good he is capable of behaving, how great he
can become.
This is a critical lesson relevant to education.
When raising children or teaching students,

the focus must be on building the child’s self-
esteem, making the child feel capable and

helping him realize his potential. Rather than
“elevate” the child’s inevitable mistakes and
failings, we must instead “elevate” his sense
of self-worth, so he recognizes how great he
can be and sets out to achieve that greatness.