07 May KEDOSHIM: REVENGE

One of the mitzvos
of this week’s
parashah is (Vayikra
19:18) Lo Sikom, that
we may not take
revenge.
The Sefer HaChinuch
(mitzvah 241) writes:
“It is the way of most
people to avenge those
who caused them
trouble or distress.
They seek to give back the pain and anguish
that they received. However, Hashem
doesn’t permit us to do so. “Lo sikom”[don’t
take revenge]. The reason for this prohibition
is for us to acknowledge that everything that
happens– the good and the bad – comes from
Hashem. No one can harm his fellow man if
it isn’t part of Hashem’s plan. Therefore,
when someone hurts you, know that your
sins caused it, and Hashem Yisbarach
decreed it. The perpetrator isn’t guilty; sin is.
So, according to Sefer HaChinuch, the
reason for the prohibition is for us to believe
that everything that happens is from Hashem,
and there is no reason for revenge.
The Chinuch continues:

“Also, this mitzvah (of avoiding revenge)
has a great potential to stop fights and to
remove hatred from people’s hearts. And
when there is peace among us, Hashem will
bring peace onto us.”
We’ve seen, so far, two reasons for the
prohibition: (1) Everything comes from
Hashem, and therefore there is no reason to
blame your fellow man for the bad that he
did. (2) Avoiding revenge will increase
peace.
The Rambam (Hilchos Deos 7:7) has a
third explanation for this prohibition. He
explains that one shouldn’t take revenge
because, anyway, the matter is trivial and
unimportant. He writes: “One should be
maavir al midosov [let things pass] when
[people harm him] because for the wise,
these are all foolishness, and not worth
taking revenge for.”
The Kli Yakar elaborates:
“It isn’t proper to take revenge on any Yid
because generally the revenge is regarding
material matters… [such as] that he caused
you a financial loss, etc., and these matters
aren’t that important that it’s worth taking
revenge. The Torah doesn’t want us to take
revenge for anything related to the body.
This can be compared to a child who took
playing blocks and built a house. Someone

came by and broke it. The child cries
bitterly to his father, wanting his
father to take revenge on the person
who committed the terrible crime of
destroying his house. But the father
ignores the child’s tears. With his
small mind, the child is convinced that
the person did something terrible, but
the father understands that it is
nothing. Similarly, people’s small
minds think everything related to this
world is significant. When their honor
is slighted, or when they suffer
damage to their body, possessions, or
money, they think that a terrible thing
happened to them, and they cry out to their
Father in heaven to take revenge. But
Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn’t always pay
attention to their calls because, in Hashem’s
eyes, all matters of this world are like child’s
play. Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn’t pay
attention to their cries unless the matter that
happened will cause bitul Torah or will
prevent them from keeping a mitzvah. In
such situations, Hashem will take revenge.”
The Kli Yakar concludes, “The Torah says
Lo Sikom, ‘Don’t take revenge,’ because all
matters of Olam HaZeh are not important to
Hashem Yisbarach, and it is as though no
one did anything at all. Therefore, it is wrong
to seek revenge.”
The Mesilas Yesharim (ch.11) writes,
“It is very hard to escape from taking
revenge because a person has much
distress when humiliated, and revenge is
sweet like honey. It is his only relief. To
forget what was done to him is for
malachim, not human beings. But this is
the King’s decree.”
Some advice in helping to overcome the
urge to take revenge is to do chesed
specifically to the people who harmed
you. The Imrei Yosef of Spinka zt’l
would do this. His son, the Chakal
Yitzchok, writes, “There were several
episodes of my father doing kindness to
those who hurt him, with the motivation
to uproot any bad middah that may still
be in him.”
Once, the Imrei Yosef was extremely
kind to a certain Rav. He invited him to
eat breakfast with him and helped him in
several ways. The Imrei Yosef’s son (the
Chakal Yitzchak) was surprised because
the kindness he bestowed on this Rav was
more than what his father would generally
do for others. The Imrei Yosef explained
that he had reason to be angry with this
Rav because he was once in his city,
collecting money, and this Rav didn’t
help him at all. So, to uproot any negative
feelings that he might feel towards him,
the Imrei Yosef honored and helped the
Rav immensely.
Rebbe Yehoshua of Belz zt’l had a list of

poor people he wanted to support.
Periodically, his gabbaim would deliver
money to them.
When Rebbe Yehoshua was niftar, and his
son Rebbe Yissachar Dov became the Belzer
Rebbe, the gabbaim showed him the charity
list. Showing him the list was mostly a
formality because they were sure Rebbe
Yissachar Dov would want to continue
performing the tzedakos his father was
involved in. However, he surprised them
when he crossed off one of the names. “You
don’t have to send him money anymore,” he
told them. ‘He isn’t poor. My father used to
support him in order to uproot any negative
feelings he felt towards him because he had
once gone out against my father. But he
never harmed me, so I have no special reason
to send him money.”
When the Sfas Emes zy”a of Gur was a
newly married yungerman living in Biala, he
had a neighbor who was very cruel to him.
After the First World War, this person needed
money and assistance, and the Sfas Emes
helped him continually. The Sfas Emes’s
rebbetzin told him: “He didn’t do that much
bad to you, that he should deserve all this
kindness.” Because this was the way of the
Sfas Emes; instead of avenging the bad that
people did to him, he sought to do them
kindness, thereby improving his own
middos.
Someone came to Reb Moshe Feinstein zt’l
and asked for a letter of approbation that he
is fitting to be a shochet. Reb Moshe gave
him this letter, and then Reb Moshe rebuked
him. He said, “A month ago, you were upset
with my decision in a Din Torah you were
involved in. You called me up and spoke
very disrespectfully. I want you to know it
isn’t proper to speak that way.”
The man didn’t understand what Reb
Moshe was referring to. He said that he had
never called him.
It turned out that someone impersonated
him and called to complain about the
outcome of the Din Torah.
Reb Moshe said he was very happy that he
passed this test because otherwise, he would
have held a grudge against someone who
didn’t deserve it.