26 Nov MARSHMALLOWS AND LENTILS

Ever come home totally famished and grab
some junk food – knowing full well, you will
be sorry later? What about passing a bakery,
getting a whiff of something yummy, and just
can’t resist? Maybe there was a tough, tiring
day at work, a day so intense, that when you
come home you lose it, you snap, saying words
you later regret.
In the 1960s, a study was conducted in
Stanford University. It was dubbed “The
Marshmallow Study”. A group of young children
were gathered together and seated around a
table. Each one was given a single marshmallow,
with the promise of a second one if they could
hold off eating the one placed in front of them.
The researchers left them in the room. It
was just the children and the marshmallows.
There weren’t any distractions. No books, no
music, no crayons, no toys, and being that it
was the 60s, no devices. They were left to occupy
themselves and to look at their marshmallows.
After a few minutes, some of the children
could not resist eating the marshmallow. Others
were able to restrain, as they looked forward to

a second marshmallow.
The researchers returned after fifteen
minutes, and those that deserved it, received
their second marshmallow.
The researchers followed their subjects for
several decades. The children who were able
to resist the temptation, and not eat their
marshmallow, grew to be better students. They
scored higher by an average over 200 points on
their SATs, and experienced greater success in
their careers. They built better relationships,
had happier marriages, and lived healthier lives
(of course, maintaining lower weight). They
exhibited a lower tendency of frustration and
aggression later in life.
The power of self-discipline and control.
As Pirkei Avos, Ethics of the Fathers, teaches,
“Ben Zoma said: Eizehu gibor, who is strong,
hakovesh es yitzro, he who conquers his
(negative) inclinations. As it is stated (Mishlei
16:32), ‘Better one who is to slow to anger than
one with might, one who rules his spirit, than
one who captures a city’ ” (Pirkei Avos 4:1).
Man is born with two inner forces, two
inclinations, the physical and the spiritual. We
can decide which force will reign. If we will it,
we can rise to great heights, allowing the spiritual

to be the dominant
force. It is in our
hands. Will we assert

our power of self-
control? Will our

decisions reflect the
divine neshama
within? While we
can’t control our life
circumstances, we can
control our reaction to
them.
In this week’s
parsha, Toldos, we are
introduced to the
twins, Yaakov and Eisav. “Vayigdilu ha’neraim,
And the boys grew up. (Bereishis 25:27). Rashi
explains that it was only after their Bar Mitzva
that their personality differences surfaced. Eisav
was “Ish yodea’ah tzayid, A hunter, ish sadeh,
a man of the field.” Eisav was not just a hunter
by occupation, but his entire being was one of
“hunting”. Always on the prowl. He was in the
open field, searching, but not knowing what he
was searching for. Looking, but not knowing
what he was looking for.
In contrast, Yaakov was “Ish tam, A simple
man.” Tam, from the word temmima, meaning
pure. He did not have any interest in the physical
pursuits of his brother Eisav. He was “yoshev
ohalim, sitting in the tents of learning”. Rashi
cites a Midrash that tents, ohalim, is mentioned
in the plural, because Yaakov spent his days
studying in the tents of both Shem and Ever.
Ohalim, tents. The Kli Yakar explains that
Yaakov took his learning home with him. He
brought it into his personal tent, his home,
creating a beautiful family life.
The Torah tells us of Eisav’s arrival home
from a day of hunting. The savory aroma of
Yaakov’s red lentil soup gets to him. He wants
it, and he wants it now.
Eisav says to Yaakov, “Pour into me, now,
some of that red stuff, for I am exhausted.
Therefore, he was called Edom (meaning red).”
Eisav’s descendants became the Edomites,
the people of Edom, the “Red Ones”. Just
because he wanted some red soup? One would
think that Eisav and his descendants would be
called Edom – Red, because the Torah tells us
that he was born “admoni”, with a reddish
coloring. Oftentimes, people are named or are
given nicknames based on their coloring, e.g.
Rusty, Red, Ginger, Gingy, or for blondes it
could be Goldie, Blondie, or Sandy. How do
we explain Eisav being called Edom because
of red lentil soup?
It wasn’t until the day that Eisav came in
from the field asking for soup that his true
identity and inner spirit was revealed.
The Chumash tells us that Eisav was ayeif,

tired. Exhasted. Ayeif is not just physically tired,
but emotionally burnt out, he was spent. Tired
from life. Tired of the world around him. He
had it.
Eisav tells Yaakov, “Haliteini, Pour it down.”
I give up. I can’t do anything for myself. Pour
the soup down my throat. “Min ha-adom, adom
hazeh, From this red, red stuff.” The words are
coarse. A need for instant gratification. Pour it
down me. There was no “Yaakov, please, may
I have some of that delicious smelling soup”.
Yaakov recognizes Eisav as not being worthy
of the privilege of bechora, being the eldest.
When he suggests selling the honor for the soup,
Eisav’s response was “Who needs it. Heenei
anochi holeich lomus, I’m going to die… what
use to me is the bechora.”
Eisav’s true emotions are revealed. Even
how he ate is robotic. Not humanlike. “Vayochal,
He ate. Vayeisht, he drank. Vayokom, he got
up. Vayeilech, he left. Vayeevez es habechora,
He despised the honor of the firstborn.”
(Bereishis 25:34)
Eisav doesn’t say to Yaakov, what did I do?
What was I thinking? There were no regrets.
That was it. A bowl of soup traded for a priceless
birthright. He was done and out.
We must ask ourselves what did Eisav do
that was so wrong. In his own way, he was
saying it’s not for me. I can’t do it. I’m not
capable. A reaction that is understandable. Where
he went wrong is that he didn’t even try. He let
the physical totally take over, and didn’t even
give a go at it.
Sefer Bereishis is the story of our roots. Life
lessons to be learned from our avos and imahos.
It’s up to us to incorporate their teachings into
our lives. Like the children tested with
marshmallows, sometimes it takes strong
willpower to grow and succeed. To not give in
to the temptation of immediate gratification.
Rather, it’s the long view into the future that
should control how we react to every situation
that comes our way.