03 Nov MATCHMAKER. MATCHMAKER

“Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match,
find me a find, catch me a catch…”
Who can forget the scene from Fiddler, where
Tzeitel, Hodel and Chava sing about the
perfect match.
The Vilna Gaon teaches that the first time a
specific word or concept appears in the Torah,
it establishes its true essence and leaves us
with a valuable life lesson. For insight on how
to approach the shidduch process, we turn to
this week’s parsha, Chayei Sora, where we
find the first mention of one searching for an
appropriate shidduch.
“And Avrohom was old, advanced in days,
and HaShem blessed Avrohom ‘bakol’, with
everything.” (Bereishis 24:1) Ibn Ezra
comments that “bakol” encompasses wealth,
honor, prestige and longevity. Radak explains
that Avrohom had everything, there was little
more he could ask for in life, except to see his
beloved son married. Finding a suitable
spouse was not merely another item on
Avrohom’s bucket list. It was about the future
of his family and the continuation of his
legacy.
Additionally, Rashi teaches that the gematria

of “bakol” is 52 (beis-2; kaf-20, lamed-30),
the same as ‘ben’, son (beis-2; nun-50). To
Avrohom, his “everything” was his son,
Yitzchok. And now, that the years are passing,
with Sora no longer alive, and Avrohom
getting older, it was time to find a suitable
shidduch for Yitzchok.
I am reminded of my own Zeide. To Zeide,
each grandchild born after the Holocaust was
the gift of life. As the oldest, Zeide was
looking forward to having the nachas of
seeing me married, the miracle of watching
the generations continue. Just as Avrohom
was concerned about Yitzchok’s future, Zeide
was concerned about the future of his
grandchildren.
And so, Zeide had a plan. Being that he was
both a beloved rov and the family patriarch –
not only to his immediate family, but to his
extended family as well – he was invited to
many simchos. Simchos, Zeide was happy to
participate in, but he needed a driver. Zeide’s
plan was that I drive and accompany him to all
these special occasions. In Yiddish, he would
lovingly introduce me, “Dus iz mein einekel,
this is my grandchild, tochter fin Rebbetzin
Esther, daughter of Rebbetzin Esther, mir
zicht a shidduch, we are looking for a
shidduch.”

Zeide’s plan worked. At a cousin’s bar mitzva,
someone knew someone… that someone
became my husband.
From the time of Avrohom Avinu, many have
taken on the role of shadchan, hoping to make
that perfect match. In this week’s parsha,
Avrohom sends his trusted servant, Eliezer, on
a mission to find a match for Yitzchok. He first
makes Eliezer swear to only seek a bride from
Choron, Avrohom’s home town. Even though
Avrohom was living in Canaan, and influenced
many there to believe in one G-d, he insisted
on a girl from Choron. He understood that
while ideologies can be taught, character traits
are difficult to change. Avrohom knew that the
future wife of Yitzchak would become an Eim
B’Yisroel, a matriarch of the Jewish nation. A
royal. He also knew the people of Choron, and
recognized that they had the important traits
of kindheartedness and graciousness.
Just recently, I came across a survey that had
amongst its questions, what qualities one
prioritizes in selecting a spouse. The results
were: good looks, personality, financial
security, compatibility, sense of humor and
honesty – in that order. I couldn’t help but
wonder: Whatever happened to kindness?
Where was the good heart? Avrohom Avinu
taught us thousands of years ago that beyond
all the other qualities one might seek, a kind
and compassionate heart is essential.
Eliezer understood that he was on an
important mission. Upon his arrival to
Choron, he turns to HaShem with tefilla. A
prayer that HaShem show kindness to
Avrohom be helping him succeed in his
mission. We learn from Eliezer how
important it is to daven to HaShem whenever
we need clarity in our life pursuits.
Eliezer comes up with a plan of his own to
recognize a girl who embodies true
kindness. “The girl… who says to me ‘drink
and I will even give your camels to drink’…
she is the one You have chosen for your
servant Yitzchok.” (Bereishis 24:14) No
sooner was his prayer finished, does he spot
Rivka who was carrying a jug of water upon
her shoulder. This was Eliezer’s cue. He
approaches Rivka asking for some water
from her jug.
The Chumash describes Rivka’s
graciousness. “Va’tomer, sheh’say adoni,
And she said, drink my master, va’timaheir,
she quickly lowered her water pitcher…
Va’yorotz, she ran again back to the well to
draw more water for the camels.” (Bereishis/
Genesis 24:18-20).
Eliezer wasn’t simply looking for a girl who
would give him a drink. He was looking for
someone whose natural response to another
person’s needs reflected the very character
traits of Avrohom Avinu.
Rivka didn’t just perform an act of kindness.
She performed it with enthusiasm, without
hesitation, and beyond what was requested.

That is the distinction between doing a
kindness and living a life of chesed.
In last week’s parsha, we find an amazing
similarity when Avrohom served the three
angels who appeared in the guise of ordinary
men. The parsha uses the same terms
“va’yimaheir, and he hurried to the tent”,
“v’el habokor rotz, and he ran to the cattle”,
and once again, “va’yemaheir”, and he hurried
to prepare the meat. (Bereishis 18:6-7)
Eliezer saw in Rivka the midos, the character
traits that Avrohom lived by. Traits that would
make her the perfect wife for Yitzchok. She
lived a life of chesed, and like Avrohom,
performed acts of kindness with alacrity and
enthusiasm.
Rivka not only provided water, but welcomed
Eliezer to her parents’ home, offering him and
his camels a place to rest and refresh.
Rivka had a lev tov, a good heart. A life of
being there for others, going out of her way to
make people comfortable.
Eliezer prayed not only at the onset, when he
needed HaShem’s help, but once he realized
that his mission had succeeded, he also offered
a prayer of gratitude. “Blessed be the G-d of
my master Avrohom, who did not forsake His
kindness and His truth…” (Bereishis/24:27)
We learn in Pirkei Avos about Rabbi Yochanan
ben Zakai asking his students, “What is the
good path in life to which a man should
cling?”
Different students, different responses.
One student, Rabbi Elazar ben Arach
answered, “Lev tov – a good heart.” To which
his teacher readily agreed. (Pirkei Avos 2:13)
A good heart is important. Not only in
marriage, but in all aspects of life. With
family, work colleagues, friends and
neighbors. A lev tov makes us sensitive to the
needs of others, inspires us to reach out, and
encourages us to go beyond what is expected.
Perhaps this is the greatest lesson of the first
shidduch in the Torah. Avrohom knew that the
most important quality in the future wife of
Yitzchok was not wealth, beauty or prestige,
but a heart filled with kindness.
With a good heart, we can help each other
overcome challenges. With kindness, we can
achieve great things.