06 Jun PARASHAT BEHAALOTECHA: STOP THE NEGATIVE TAILSPIN

Parashat Behaalotecha

tells of how Beneh Yis-
rael started complaining

during travel, and how

Hashem severely pun-
ished them. The Torah

states,”Vayehi Haam K’misoninim,” which

seems to mean, “The people were complain-
ing.” But Rashi explains that this pasuk is

actually saying that the people were looking
for something to complain about.
It’s not that something happened or didn’t
happen that made them upset and start
complaining; they had a negative mindset,
and were looking for reasons to
complain. This mindset sent their heads into
a negative tailspin, and everything seemed
bad.
Sure enough, several pesukim later, they’re
complaining that all they had to eat was the
manna. They cried that they didn’t have
vegetables such as onions. When we have a
negative mindset, everything in our lives
seems terrible.
One of the common examples of this
phenomenon is rejection. We’ve all
experienced rejection of one kind of or
another. People are rejected from a

perspective shidduch or from a perspective
job. People feel rejected when they’re text
message is not responded to, or their favor is
not returned. Or when they are not invited to
an event. Too often, when a person
experiences rejection, he allows the
negativity to go into a tailspin. He says to
himself things like, “Nobody likes me”;
“This is never going to work”; “I’m just a
failure.” They feel the whole world turned
their back on him.
If two boys turned a girl down, she might
start thinking that all the boys are going to
turn her down. If a man gets fired twice in a
year, he might start thinking that he will
never be able to keep a job. This is how our
brains can play games with us, and turn
every rejection into a major catastrophe. Like
the misoninim, we look for negativity, for
reasons to complain and feel embittered.
The Gemara in Masechet Avodah Zarah
tells that at the end of time, the other nations
will complain to G-d that they were not
given the Torah. Hashem will respond by
giving them one relatively easy mitzvah –
the mitzvah of sukkah. The non-Jews will
build sukkot and go inside them, but Hashem
will then challenge them by making the

weather unbearably hot. The non-Jews will
leave the sukkot, unable to withstand the
heat, and will kick the sukkot on the way
out. This will demonstrate that there was
good reason why Hashem did not give them
the Torah.
The Gemara questions this teaching, noting
the halachah that one is exempt from the
obligation of sukka if the conditions in
the sukkah are uncomfortable. The non-Jews
will be allowed to leave the sukkot because
of the heat – so why would this prove that
they were unworthy of accepting the Torah?
The Gemara then answers that although the
other nations will be exempt from the sukkah,
and they would be allowed to leave,
nevertheless, it is wrong to kick the sukkah on
the way out.
When we are rejected, we shouldn’t “kick”
on the way out. We should not blow up the
situation into something far worse than it
is. We shouldn’t feel embittered. We should
accept it and move on.
The best way I know to avoid “kicking”
after a rejection is to remind ourselves that
everything is from Hashem. If a person is
rejected from several shidduchim, this is

because Hashem has something better in
store for him or her. If a person was rejected
from several jobs, it means that Hashem is
steering him toward the job that is right for
him. Just as Hashem was leading Beneh
Yisrael through the desert, bringing them
exactly where they needed to go, so is
Hashem leading us all to where we need to
go.
Our ancestors were punished for their
negative tailspin, for seeing their situation as
something much worse than it really was. Let
us learn from their mistake, and stop our own
negative tailspin. When things don’t go the
way we want, let us remain calm and
confident, and place our trust in Hashem,
who is caring for us every step of the way,
just as He cared for our ancestors.