27 Feb PARASHAT KI TISSA: DON’T PLAY THE BLAME GAME

Once, during a class I gave
to a group of young men, I
asked them to tell about
something annoying that
happened to them recently.
One of them related that the
previous week, he missed the
class because a car was blocking his driveway.
He lives very close to the shul where the class is
given, and he normally walks from home. But
this time, he was out, and when he came home,
he saw a car blocking his driveway, and so he
had to park far away and missed the class. I later
told this fellow how this story sounded to me:
“You were probably already late to the class, and
so when you saw someone blocking your
driveway, instead of parking a couple of blocks
away, you figured you had an excuse, so you just
wouldn’t bother coming.” “Wow, Rabbi,” he
replied. “You’re spot on.” There is a disease that
many of us are plagued by – the disease of
chronic blaming. When something goes wrong,
when we don’t succeed the way we want, when
things aren’t right, we find someone to blame.
It’s the husband’s fault… The wife’s fault… The
parent’s fault… The in-laws’ fault… The
Rabbi’s fault… The school’s fault… There’s
always someone to blame. In Parashat Ki-Tisa,
Moshe Rabbenu really does have everyone to
blame the problem on – but instead, he takes
personal responsibility. This parashah tells of

the worst sin ever committed by Beneh Yisrael
– the sin of the golden calf. Although Moshe
was the leader, he had every reason to absolve
himself of responsibility. He was not even there
when it happened. The people made the golden
calf despite Moshe, not because of Moshe. But
he did not blame the people. Instead, he came
before Hashem and pleaded for them. And he
said that if Hashem would not forgive them,
then “erase me, please, from Your book which
You have written.” He refused to be left alone if
the people would be punished. He insisted on
taking the blame. If the people could not be
forgiven and needed to be punished, then he
would be punished with them. Why is the
“blame game” so terrible? Why is it wrong to
blame others instead of taking responsibility?
There are several reasons, but the most important
reason is because when things go wrong, this is
a precious opportunity to grow. We have an
enormous amount of potential within us. Every
person has greatness waiting to be unlocked.
But the only way it is unlocked is through
challenge and struggle. The stories told of our
avot – Avraham, Yitzhak and Yaakov – are about
their struggles and challenges. Avraham was
given ten tests. Yitzhak was nearly slaughtered.
Yaakov was forced to run away from his brother,
deal with his corrupt uncle, Lavan, and then
suffered tragedies in the family. Yosef was
nearly killed by his brothers, and then sold as a

slave and subsequently imprisoned.
All these men became great because
of the enormous challenges they had
to face. Instead of blaming others,
they took responsibility and rose to
the occasion, every time. This is how
they attained greatness. When Moshe
pleaded to Hashem for the people
after the sin of the golden calf, he
said, “This nation has committed a
terrible sin.” At first glance, this
seems like a peculiar way to come to the people’s
defense and plead on their behalf. But what
Moshe was saying is that he was accepting
responsibility. Under his leadership, they made a
grave mistake – and he was committed to
helping them overcome it and grow from it.
That’s exactly what he did, and both he and the
people became so much greater because of it.
This is leadership – accepting responsibility for
the problem, instead of just blaming it on
somebody else. Rather than blame his absence
on the car parked in front of his driveway, the
boy should have said to himself, “Next time, I’ll
do better. I’m going to make an extra effort to
come on time, and if I’m late, I’ll come anyway
and gain whatever I can.” This would be how to
turn this mistake into a learning experience, and
an impetus for growth. A similar thing happened
to me. Once, on a snowy morning, it took me
longer than usual to get to shul. I walked in a

few minutes late, and I saw that they had already
started the tefillah. My initial reaction was to
feel very upset. They really couldn’t wait for the
Rabbi? They had to start right on time? When
the roads are covered with snow, couldn’t they
wait a few minutes? I was playing the “blame
game,” blaming others instead of taking
responsibility. I quickly corrected my mindset,
and told myself, “Next time I’ll do better. The
next time it snows, I’ll make an extra effort to
leave early so I’ll show up on time.” And that’s
exactly what I did the next time its snowed…
We all make mistakes. We all do things wrong
sometimes. It’s part of being human. But more
importantly, it’s part of growing. And in order to
grow from our mistakes, we need to take
responsibility for our mistakes instead of
blaming them on others. Let us, then, seize the
opportunities presented by our mistakes to grow
and unlock the hidden greatness within us!