07 Jun PARASHAT NASO: MARITAL HARMONY
The Torah in
Parashat Naso
discusses the
procedure of
the “Sota,”
which was
required when a husband had reason
to suspect his wife of infidelity. He
would bring her to the Bet
Ha’mikdash where the Kohen would
conduct a special ceremony whereby
her innocence or guilt would be
determined. In introducing this
section, the Torah writes, “Ish Ish Ki
Tisteh Ishto…” – “If a man’s wife
strays…” The question immediately
arises as to why the Torah here
repeats the word “Ish” (“man”), as
though it was saying, “A man, a man
whose wife strays…” What is the
purpose of this repetition? One of the
scholars of Musar suggested that the
Torah here subtly addresses the
question of why a married woman
would enter into an extramarital
relationship. What might cause a
woman to betray her husband? The
answer, the Torah teaches us, is often
“Ish Ish” – that the marriage was only
about the husband. A marriage is
supposed to be “Ish Isha” – a husband
and wife. But when one spouse
dominates the relationship,
concerning himself or herself with
only his or her concerns and interests,
without giving proper consideration
and regard to those of the other
spouse, the other spouse might
naturally feel tempted to find
emotional satisfaction elsewhere. Of
course, this does not justify betrayal.
But the Torah cautions the husband
that a situation of “Ish Ish,” if he does
not pay sufficient attention to his
wife’s needs and wishes, if he does
not show her respect and care, he
unwittingly builds her temptation to
pursue other sources of gratification.
The Rambam (Rabbi Moshe
Maimonides, Spain-Egypt,
1135-1204) writes that a husband is
required to “honor his wife more than
himself.” Marriage must never
become a one-way street. Each must
respect and look out for the needs and
wishes of the other, rather than
focusing only on his or her own
interests. This mutual care, respect
and attention will help ensure that
both spouses receive the happiness
and satisfaction they seek, that the
marriage will serve them both as an
everlasting source of joy and
fulfillment.