11 Feb PARASHAT YITRO: JEALOUSY’S EFFECT ON CHILDREN

Parashat Yitro tells of
Ma’amar Har Sinai –
Hashem’s revelation
to Beneh Yisrael at
Mount Sinai, and the

Aseret Ha’dibberot.
Rashi, in his commentary to Shir
Hashirim (4:5), makes a fascinating
comment about the Aseret Ha’dibberot.
He writes that the two sets of
commandments – the first five, and
the second five – correspond to one
another. Meaning, there is a connection
between the first commandment of the
first group, and the first commandment
of the second group; there is also
a connection between the second
commandment of the first group, and
the second commandment of the second
group, and so on.
For example, the first commandment of
the first group is the belief in Hashem,
and the first commandment of the
second group is the prohibition against

murder. These mitzvot are connected,
Rashi explains, because every human
being is created in the image of Hashem,
and so killing a person diminishes, in a
sense, from Hashem’s presence in our
world.
According to this parallel, the fifth
commandment, the mitzva to honor
parents, corresponds to the tenth of
the Aseret Ha’dibberot, the command
of the prohibition against coveting,
desiring something which somebody
else has. Rashi explains that these
two commands are connected because
“somebody who is jealous of other
people will have a child who disrespects
him, and instead respects other people.”
How does this work? Why does
jealousy have the effect of causing
one’s children to disrespect him?
The answer, in truth, is quite simple.
If children see that their parents are
always upset and dissatisfied because

they don’t have what other people have,
then the children will want to be like
those other people. If the message they
learn from their parents is that they’re
disadvantaged, that other people have
it better than them, then they will
respect those other people, and not
their parents. They will look to their
parents as failures, and nobody is going
to respect or try to emulate somebody
who they see as a failure.
The way we avoid this problem is by
understanding that Hashem has given
us everything we need, and He has
given other people exactly what they
need. What somebody has or doesn’t
have has absolutely nothing to do
with us. We have precisely what we’re
supposed to have, and other people
have precisely what they’re supposed
to have. We don’t need to feel jealous,
because other people’s assets have no
connection to us whatsoever.
This is the vibe we should be giving our

children – that we are very fortunate
and blessed by Hashem, and other
people are also fortunate and blessed
by Hashem, because He gives each
person exactly what he or she needs
to succeed. If this is the attitude and
mindset, that we have been given
a great deal of berachah, then our
children will feel grateful and respect
us. They will look to us as winners, not
losers, and we will gain their respect.
They will feel proud and happy to have
received these berachot, and will grow
to be grateful to Hashem and to their
parents who have given them all these
wonderful blessings.