28 Oct PARSHA IN PRACTICE: SKILLS FOR BETTER LIVING LECH LECHA – THERE’S NO ROOM FOR FIGHTING

Breakups are
never easy
This week’s parsha
tells the story of Avraham and his
nephew, Lot. For many years, the
two had lived together in harmony,
until a bitter fight broke out between
their respective shepherds. As the
fighting escalated, the once-close
relatives decided that the land was
not big enough for both of them, and
ultimately they decided to part ways.
The Midrash (Pesikta Rabbasi, 3)
asks: Obviously, the size of the land
had not changed; why had it suddenly
become too small for them to share?
The difference, Chazal answer, is
all in the attitude. When people get
along, they enjoy spending time with
each other in even the most cramped
and uncomfortable of settings. But

when they are embroiled in conflict,
even the largest mansion cannot
accommodate them. This is why
the land suddenly felt “too small”
once Avraham and Lot started
fighting. Elsewhere, Chazal coined
the expression: When our love was
strong, we could live together on
the tip of a needle; now that our
love is not strong, a bed of 60 amos
(120 feet) is not big enough for us
(Sanhedrin 7a).
There is a tendency to blame life’s
unfortunate circumstances for our
unhappiness. Limited finances, a
small apartment, the stress of daily
chores – these are the reasons we
are constantly fighting. These are
the reasons we are unhappy. The
expectation is: Once conditions
improve – once we get that job,

purchase a spacious house, and
finally get our own washer/dryer –
then we will get along. Then, we will
be happy.
Unfortunately, such fantasies
rarely turn out as imagined. Those
who have strained relationships
while living in small apartments
often continue to have strained
relationships after moving into large
houses – only now with sufficient
space to become physically distant
as well. By contrast, those who take
steps to build communication and
connection in times of calm can be
equipped to maintain their strong
bond despite a sudden hardship or
need to downsize. From Avraham
and Lot we learn that a bitter
attitude can make any place seem
too small and cramped, while a

positive outlook can help make even
a challenging situation feel spacious
and comfortable.
Put another way: It is not the size
of our homes that determines our
level of happiness. It is our level of
happiness that determines the size of
our homes.