09 Jun PARSHA IN PRACTICE: SKILLS FOR BETTER LIVING SHELACH – DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

You gotta read this!
Sefer Bamidbar is
filled with one tragic
mistake after another.
This week’s disaster
is the episode of the spies who convinced
Bnei Yisrael to reject Eretz Yisrael. Despite
Hashem’s assurances that He would safely
lead the nation into the Land, the meraglim
frightened the people with an evil report,
falsely claiming that the native giants were
unconquerable.
Considering that Hashem had taken the
Jews out of Egypt for the express purpose of
bringing them to Eretz Yisrael, the nation’s
refusal to march onward marked not only
a rejection of the Land, but of Hashem
Himself. Consequently, Hashem decreed
that this generation would not merit entry
into the Land they had scorned.
However, there is a fascinating postscript
to the story – one often overlooked when
discussing the parshah. After hearing that
they would no longer be permitted to enter
Eretz Yisrael, a faction of the nation suddenly
banded together and insisted on charging
forward after all. Moshe warned them not to

proceed, explaining that Hashem had already
withdrawn His protection and support. Yet
once again, the people ignored Hashem’s
directive and marched ahead anyway,
suffering a devastating defeat (Bamidbar
14:40-45).
What is going on here?!
When Hashem promised that everything
would succeed and commanded the nation
to enter Eretz Yisrael, they refused to
comply. But as soon as Hashem told them to
remain in the desert, they suddenly insisted
on forging ahead. How can we understand
such inconsistent behavior?
The Alter of Kelm explained that this episode
reveals a painfully relatable dimension of
human nature: people do not like being
told what to do. Even when instructions are
clearly for our benefit, we instinctively resist
outside direction and authority.
From this perspective, the behavior of the
nation was actually perfectly consistent.
When Hashem told Bnei Yisrael to go into
Eretz Yisrael, they refused. And when
Hashem told them to remain in the desert,
they refused again. As soon as the Land was

no longer an option, it suddenly became
irresistible.
Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as
“reactance” – the tendency to push back when
our freedom feels restricted or threatened.
As ovdei Hashem, we are constantly at risk
of rejecting mitzvos not because we disagree
with them, but simply because we resist
being commanded.
This may also explain a famous statement
of Chazal. Intuitively, one might assume
that voluntarily performing mitzvos is more
admirable than fulfilling obligations. Yet
Chazal say the opposite: gadol hametzuvah
v’oseh mi’mi she’eino metzuvah v’oseh – there
is greater reward for one who is commanded
and performs than for one who volunteers
(Avodah Zarah 3a). The internal resistance
created by obligation makes compliance
more difficult and therefore more meaningful
(Tosfos, ad loc.)
Simply recognizing the existence of this bias
is already the first step toward overcoming
it. When we feel ourselves resisting
instructions, criticism, or responsibility, it
is worth asking: am I truly opposed to this
idea, or am I merely uncomfortable being

told what to do?
Awareness of this tendency can also help
improve the way we communicate with
others, especially those under our direction
– children, students, employees, and even
spouses. Rather than triggering reactance
by issuing rigid demands, we can often
encourage greater cooperation by offering
choices and preserving a sense of autonomy.
With a proper understanding of this
tendency, we can avoid repeating the mistake
of the Dor HaMidbar, who became trapped
in a cycle of reflexively doing the opposite of
whatever Hashem commanded.
It’s our choice.