03 Nov PARSHAS CHAYEI SARAH: CHASUNAH EXPENSES

When it comes
to marrying off
children, many
people are worried,
“How will we
manage to give so
much money? The
chasunah expenses
and the dowry are
so expensive!”
This problem has
been around for
generations. It has always been difficult
to marry off children. But Hashem helps.
Once, a shidduch was almost finalized,
but the girl’s father said he wouldn’t
agree to the shidduch before the boy’s
father promised four hundred liras to the
couple as a dowry.
The boy’s father wasn’t sure he could
afford it.
He spoke to Reb Chaim Brim zt’l and
relayed all his fears. Reb Chaim Brim
said, “Let’s ask the Chazon Ish together.”
The father explained to the Chazon Ish

that he is afraid he might not be able to
keep this promise. The Chazon Ish zt’l
replied, “We see that if one tries, Hashem
helps.”
The Chazon Ish asked for his name so
that he could pray for him.
The end of the story was that the father
was able to pay up the entire sum without
any hardships at all (Maaseh Ish, vol.2
p.160).
Once, two mechutanim came to the
Chazon Ish zt’l. Each of them argued that
the other one should pay the lion’s share
of their children’s upcoming chasunah.
When they left, the Chazon Ish told his
relative, Reb Shmaryahu Greineman zt’l,
“Do you know what they were arguing
about? They were debating who should
receive Hashem’s brachos. Each one said
the other one should receive Hashem’s
brachos…” Because Hashem blesses and
helps those who are obligated to pay for
a chasunah.
A young man was engaged, and his future
in-laws promised him a dowry. They kept
their promise down to the last penny.

His first Shabbos as a married man, in
his in-laws’ home, he noticed something
was wrong. The candlesticks were made
from clay, and the beds were broken. In

general, he saw signs of poverty in his in-
laws’ home. He asked his wife about it,

and she explained that her parents sold all
their utensils and went into debt to cover
the dowry they promised.
He declared, “We can’t let matters stay
this way.”
On Motzei Shabbos, he returned the
dowry and gifts. He couldn’t have his
wife light Shabbos candles with silver
candlesticks while his in-laws had clay
ones. He couldn’t enjoy wealth while
his in-laws were suffering poverty on
his account.
On Sunday morning, he borrowed
twenty thousand rubles from a friend.
He used part of the money to buy utensils
for his home, and he went to the market
to see where he could invest the rest of
the money. A wealthy merchant offered
him a lucrative business opportunity for
ten thousand rubles. He invested and
became rich in a short time.
Because of his wealth, when his
children came of age, he made
prestigious shidduchim. One of his
mechutanim was Reb Shimon Sofer
zt’l (son of the Chasam Sofer zt’l). At
that wedding, in Krakow, a Rav asked
him how he earned his wealth and how
he merited this prestigious shidduch
with Reb Shimon Sofer. He told him
his story. He explained that he was
willing to forgo his own pleasure and
wealth so his in-laws wouldn’t suffer.
And just as he did kindness with them,
Hashem performed kindness to him,
and he earned wealth…and wonderful
shidduchim.

This story is brought down in Mishnas
Yosef (Brachos 8.), who concludes, “It
isn’t my way to write stories in this sefer,
but this story has an important message
that the wise can learn from. They should
be cautious with the money and utensils of
their fathers in-law, and more importantly,

they should be cautious with their father-
in-law’s heart. If you act kindly, you will

receive many brachos from Above.”
The Chofetz Chaim would tell people that
he married a poor girl without a dowry,
and in this merit, he was able to learn his
entire life. His friend, who did a wealthy
shidduch, went into business shortly after
the wedding and lost all his money. “Had
I married wealthy, it is likely that I too
would be drawn to business…”
There was a bachur who was looking for
a shidduch that promised him full support
for five years. The Chofetz Chaim zt’l
asked him, “How will you support
yourself after the five years pass?”
The bachur replied, “Hashem will help.”
The Chofetz Chaim asked him, “If you
believe Hashem will help you, why don’t
you believe that Hashem can help you the
first five years, too?”
It states (Mishlei 15:27), those who
despise gifts will live.
The Tur (Choshen Mishpat 249) explains
that it is a middas chassidus, a righteous
approach, not to accept gifts from anyone.
Instead, one should trust that Hashem will
give him all his needs. For doing so, he
will live long.
The Prishah explains, “Usually, people
desire presents because they think the
gifts will grant life for them and their
families. We tell them, hate gifts. Instead,
have bitachon that Hashem will help you,
and then Hashem will grant you life.