02 Sep PARSHAS KI SEITZEI EMBRACING THE PARTS OF MYSELF THAT I UTTERLY DESPISE

Holding Space For
All My Parts,
While Anchored in
My Divinity,
Brings Me a
Double Portion of
Light Who’s

Doing the Talking?
“Does marriage change one’s personality?”
Greg asked his buddy Mike.
“In a way,” says Mike. “You see, when I was
engaged, I did most of the talking and she did
most of the listening. When we just got married
she did most of the talking and I did most of the
listening.
“Now we both do most of the talking and the
neighbors do all the listening.”
Firstborn Rights
This week’s parsha, Ki Seitzei, states the
following law:
“If a man will have two wives, one beloved and
one unloved, and both the loved and unloved
wives have sons, and the firstborn son is that of
the unloved one; on the day that this man wills
his property to his sons, he cannot give the son
of the beloved wife birthright preference above
the son of the unloved wife, the firstborn.
“Rather, he must recognize the firstborn, the
son of the unloved one, to give him the double
portion in all his property.”
On the most literal level, these verses mandate

that a firstborn son shall inherit a double
portion of his father’s estate, while each
subsequent son shall inherit an equal portion of
the property. A father does not have the power
to bequeath the double portion reserved for the
firstborn to one of the other sons he loves, and
any attempt to do so is ignored by Jewish law.
As the Talmud makes clear, a person is
certainly empowered to distribute his entire
estate to one of the other sons or to his
daughters, (and to any other individual for that
matter), as long as he conveys it as a gift. But if
he chooses to bequeath the estate to one of the
sons as an inheritance and so deny his firstborn
son’s rights as a natural heir, then the father’s
attempt has no legal validity in the Jewish
judicial system.
What is disturbing, however, is the Torah’s
need to state the point via a negative example
of a man who loves one of his wives and
loathes the other. Why was it necessary to use
an offensive illustration to make the simple
point that the firstborn son is entitled to a
double portion of the inheritance regardless of
the father’s preferences?
A Spiritual Manual
One of the essential factors to bear in mind
during Torah study is the idea that each
mitzvah, law, and episode described in the
Torah contains—in addition to its physical and
concrete interpretation—a psychological and
spiritual dimension as well. In his commentary

on the Torah, 13th-century Spanish sage,
Nachmanides, writes: “The Torah discusses the
physical reality, but it alludes to the world of
the spirit.” Another great Kabbalist went even
further. 17th-century mystic Rabbi Menachem
Azaryah of Fanu (in Italy) states that “The
Torah discusses the spiritual reality, and it
alludes to the physical world.”
The stories and laws in the Torah ought to be
understood first and foremost as events and
laws in the spiritual realm, and this is actually
the primary method of Torah interpretation.
But in its communication of spiritual truths, the
Torah also lends itself to be interpreted
physically and concretely.
What then is the spiritual meaning of the
seemingly crude description of “a man who
will have two wives, one beloved and one
unloved, and both the loved and unloved wives
have sons, and the firstborn son is that of the
hated one”? How are we to understand this in
the universe of the spirit?
The Struggling Vs. the Romantic Soul
Judaism teaches that the relationship between
each husband and wife reflects the cosmic
relationship between G-d (the Groom) and the
Jewish people (the Bride). The entire
book “Shir HaShirim “ by Shlomo HaMelech
is based on the notion that our human
relationships reflect the Divine marriage with
His people.
Two types of people enter into a marriage with
G-d: the “beloved spouse” and the “unloved
spouse.” The “beloved spouse” represents
those individuals who enjoy a continuous
romance with G-d. Their souls are
overflowing all the time with spiritual
ecstasy, selfless idealism, and fiery
inspiration. They cannot stop loving G-d,
even for a moment. On the other end of the
spectrum stand the “despised spouses,”
people possessing internal struggles that can
easily be spurned: My petty emotions, my
immoral urges, my insecurities, anxieties,
and foolish cravings, my narcissistic and
angry moments.
We are always married to G-d. We each have
at our core a Divine soul, a derivative of
infinite consciousness, the presence of G-d
in our bodies, and thus we are always whole,
powerful, content, humble, joyous, and
alive. We are Divine. But the marriage, like
many human marriages, does not come
without struggle. We live with paradoxes. I
have a divine soul but also an animal soul
that is very active in my consciousness.
Throughout my life, I must stand guard daily
not to become a victim of instincts, emotions,
and cravings that can eclipse my truth. I can
look at myself and just see an “unloved
spouse.”
The Torah teaches us that G-d’s “firstborn
son” may very well come not from His union
with the beloved spouse but rather from His
relationship with what we might call the
despised spouse. The spiritual harvest that a
struggling human being produces as a result
of his or her internal work, may often be far
deeper and more powerful than that of the
so-called spiritually perfect person. The

morality and the integrity that emerges from
the midst of my confronting daily the parts of
me that seem so loathsome contain a unique
depth and splendor not possessed by the
straightforward saintly path.
What is more, when I have the courage to hold
space with compassion for all my parts,
including all of my petty, scary, strange, and
painful emotions and thoughts, I can discover
how each of these is eclipsing profoundly pure,
sacred and Divine yearnings, even if covered
over by crude and unpleasant emotions.
Working with these parts can elevate and
inspire even my Divine soul.
Working with all the parts in my brain and
heart, discovering the goodness deeply hidden
in all of my emotions and dispositions, brings
me to a much deeper space of oneness and
love.
Thus, “On the day that He wills His property to
His sons, He cannot give the son of the beloved
wife birthright preference above the son of the
hated wife, the firstborn. Rather, He must
recognize the firstborn, the son of the hated
one, to give him the double portion in all His
property.” On a spiritual level this means, that
on the day that Moshiach will come, very
speedily, when humanity will finally taste the
full-Divinity in the world, and when I discover
the Moshiach consciousness in my own
intimate life, a “double portion” of G-dliness
will be revealed in the arduous labor of the
individual who never stopped embracing the
bliss of his or her Divine soul, even while
battling with an animal soul that calls itself
“despised.”
During the Struggle
You might recall the moving poem written by a
profound heart:
One night I had a dream. I dreamed I was
walking along the beach with G-d. Many
scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In
each scene, I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was only one.
I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or
defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to G-d, “You promised me, Lord, that
you would walk with me always. But I have
noticed that during the most difficult times of
my life, there has only been one set of footprints
in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, you
were not there for me?”
G-d replied, “My precious child, I love you,
and would never leave you. The times when
you saw only one set of footprints, was when I
was carrying you.”
(This essay is based on a discourse by Rabbi
Schneur Zalman of Liadi delivered in 1793).