24 Jul PARSHAS VAESCHANAN: THE EASY COMMANDMENT

Honor your father and
mother, as the L-rd
your G-d has commanded
you, so that you may live
long. (Devarim 5:16)
Why should we honor
our fathers and mothers?
The Torah gives us one reason in
Parashas Shemos (20:12), “So that you may live
long.” In Parashas Vaes’chanan, however, the
Torah gives an additional reason, “As the L-rd
your G-d has commanded you.” What is the
significance of this additional phrase?
The Meshech Chachmah refers to
the Talmud Yerushalmi that considers honoring
parents an “easy commandment.” Every person
understands that debts have to be repaid. If
someone lends you $100,000 when you need it,
you would be only too happy to repay the money
once you have enough of your own. It would not
be a hard thing to do.
By the same token, every person also
understands that he has a moral obligation to
repay his debt of gratitude to his parents. After
all, the cost of raising a child must be at least
between $100,000 and $200,000. Not to mention
the time, effort and energy parents invest in their
children. Therefore, the least people can do is
honor their parents. It is not a hard thing to make

such a small payment on such a large debt.
The Torah tells us here that this is not the proper
motivation for honoring parents. It is not the
self-evident obligation to make at least a small
payment on a debt owed the parents. It is an
obligation incumbent on us solely because “the
L-rd your G-d has commanded you” to do so.
The Torah waited until Parashas Vaes’chanan to
make this point, because it becomes most clear
after forty years in the desert. During those
years, raising children was easier than it ever
was, before or since. They did not have to be fed.
There was manna from heaven. They did not
need to be given to drink. There was water from
Miriam’s Well. They did not need new shoes and
clothing all the time. Nothing ever wore out.
Most likely they didn’t need orthodontic braces
either, because life in the desert was paradise.
And still, the Torah demanded that parents be
honored. Clearly, the obligation was to obey
Hashem’s commandment rather than repay a
debt of gratitude. By the time the Jewish people
had lived through the era of the desert, they
could relate to the mitzvah of honoring parents
as an independent obligation.
How far does this go? How much do you have
to do for your parents?
The Talmud responds (Kiddushin 31a) to this
question with the famous story about a non-Jew

from Ashkelon by the name of Dama bar
Nesinah.
The Sages once needed a stone for the Urim
v’Tumim, and they heard that Dama had exactly
the stone they needed. A delegation came to see
him and offer to pay him a princely sum for the
stone. The stone was in a strongbox, with the key
under his father’s pillow. Dama did not disturb
him.
“I cannot help you,” he told the Sages. “My
father is sleeping, and I wouldn’t disturb his
sleep.”
The Sages left.
A year later, a perfect red heifer, suitable for a
parah adumah, was born in Dama’s herd. The
Sages came to purchase it.
“How much do you want for it?”
“I know that you would give me any price I
ask,” he replied. “But I only want the amount of
money I lost by not waking my father last year.”
This story establishes the parameters of
the mitzvah of honoring parents.
The Talmud uses this story to establish the
parameters of human nature.
As parents get older, they can become querulous
and demanding. They can test the patience of
their children. Sometimes, honoring parents
under such circumstances can take a lot of
patience and forbearance. Is there a limit to such

patience? How much patience can be expected
of a person? Is there a point where a person is
allowed to run out of patience and be exempt
from this mitzvah?
This is what the story about Dama bar Nesinah
teaches us. The Sages were offering him a huge
sum of money for the single stone they needed
for the Urim v’Tumim. He knew that if he could
only get the key, the money would be his. What
thoughts must have gone through his mind?
Maybe I’ll make a little noise and he’ll wake up.
Maybe I’ll slide my hand under the pillow very
slowly so that I’ll be able to get the key without
waking him up. He must have been very
tempted. But he didn’t give in. He was able to
honor his father even under such circumstances.
This was the extent of what human nature is
capable.
It follows, therefore, that if Dama bar Nesinah
could have the forbearance to forgo such a huge
sum of money and allow his father to sleep,
certainly a descendant of Avraham, Yitzchak
and Yaakov can find it in himself to honor his
parents under any and all circumstances.