29 Dec Parshas Vayechi

To Atone for the Unkown

Rebbe Yitzchok of Vorke said, “People say that Shovavim atones for the infamous sins [of inyanei kedusha]. I say that Shovavim atones for sins that aren’t known; for there are times when one insults his fellow man without realizing it. Shovavim atones for those sins. Reb Sheroya Deblitsky Shlita came to the Chazon Ish zt’l and said that he wants to be matir neder, to annul a vow. There was another Yid in the room, speaking Torah with the Chazon Ish. The Chazon Ish said, “We’re two. Go outside and bring in a third person.” Soon, Reb Deblitsky returned with an unlearned person, whose religious standards were also poor. The Chazon Ish asked Reb Deblitsky to state the reason he wanted to annul the vow, and then they annulled the vow. When the unlearned man left the house, the Chazon Ish said, “Go outside and bring in someone else to be matir neder. This man wasn’t kosher for the beis din.” The Chazon Ish however didn’t say this earlier, so as not to embarrass the man. Reb Deblitsky learned from this episode the middos of the Chazon Ish, and how cautious we must be not to hurt a fellow man. A similar story happened with the Tchebiner Rav zt’l. At a hachnasas sefer Torah celebration, the owner of the sefer Torah honored the Tchebiner Rav to write a letter in the sefer Torah. The Tchebiner Rav said, “I’d rather appoint the sofer to be my shaliach to write a letter for me.” After the sofer wrote the letter, the baal habayis honored another person to write a letter. This person followed the Tchebiner Rav’s lead and he also appointed the sofer to write the letter for him. Everyone else in the room also had the sofer write the letters for them. The Tchebiner Rav explained that he realized that one of the people who came to the hachnasas sefer Torah celebration was halachically unfit to write a letter in the sefer Torah. But if he were to say anything, that person would be embarrassed. So the Tchebiner Rav appointed the sofer his shaliach to write a letter, and this caused everyone present to do the same. The sefer Torah was written according to halachah without having to embarrass another Yid. The Chofetz Chaim zt’l once picked up a piece of paper from the ground because he thought it was sheimos. As it turned out, it was just a scrap of paper. The Chofetz Chaim placed the paper in his pocket.

Someone walking with the Chofetz Chaim asked him, “Why don’t you just throw it to the ground? It isn’t sheimos.” The Chofetz Chaim replied, “If I throw it down, the next Yid who passes by may pick it up, thinking that it’s sheimos. Why should I trouble him?” I remember one Rosh Hashanah; my father said before tekiyos shofar with immense kavanah, as he would say it every year. The baal tokeyah finished saying the brachos, but when he tried blowing the shofar, no sound came forth. He kept trying, but to no avail. My father motioned that he should give him the shofar. My father tried blowing the shofar, and he also wasn’t able to blow it. Then my father gave the shofar to a third person, who blew the shofar easily. I knew that my father didn’t know how to blow shofar, so after the davening I asked my father why he tried blowing the shofar. My father replied, “I didn’t want the baal tokea to be embarrassed. If I would have given the shofar right away to someone who knows how to blow it, the first baal tokeia would feel ashamed. But after I also tried and failed to blow the shofar, his shame was less.” There was a high-school girl who needed a spiritual boost, and she and her parents agreed that it would be best for her to change schools, so she could begin anew; this time, cautious to forge friendships with better girls. With the help of askanim, she was accepted into a high-school with a good reputation.

But on the first day she was in that school, four girls in her new class treated her unkindly. They disgraced and embarrassed her. That evening she told her parents that she is never returning to that school again, even if that meant remaining home. The parents spoke with her previous school, and they agreed to take her back. Years later, all the girls in this story were married for several years, but none of them had children. The four girls (from the high-school) convened, and they concluded that they might be suffering because of the time when they disgraced the new girl who came to their high-school. One of the girls went to her, and requested her forgiveness in the name of all four women. She didn’t forgive. She said, “That incident happened thirteen years ago, and it still hurts me to even think about it. No, I definitely do not forgive you.”

Now, the four women were more convinced that this must be the explanation for their barrenness. The woman they harmed hadn’t yet forgiven them. They sent other shluchim to speak with her, and to ask her forgiveness, but she wasn’t appeased. The four women decided to send their teacher (the teacher who would have been her teacher, had she remained in the school). The woman (who received the disgrace) had derech eretz for this teacher and agreed to listen to her. The teacher spoke with her about the importance of loving one’s fellow man, and learning to get along with people. Finally, she consented and said, “O.K., I agree to meet with them, but on the condition that they don’t mention that time when they embarrassed me. It’s too painful for me to even think about it.” The women met (in the home of the one who was disgraced). The four women came, each carrying a different delicacy in their hands. They ate together, and they spoke, as they were all cautious not to mention that time when they embarrassed her. An hour passed, and then one of the four women said emotionally, “Take a look at what’s happening here. Five women, all waiting to finally hold their own child in their arms, while all their friends already have four or five children… Hashem! Please! Have rachmanus…” And they all cried for a long time. When they finished crying, they felt very close. The woman who was disgraced said to them, “I forgive you.” They left to their homes, feeling relieved. A heavy stone was lifted off their hearts.

A year later, each of them had a child… We must be cautious not to harm anyone with words. And for those who were harmed and insulted, let them learn from this story to forgive. Their forgiveness may save them, and others, from much distress.

The Chida tells a story that happened with his Rebbe, the Or HaChaim HaKadosh: A wealthy, rosh hakahol (who was also very close to the government) once disrespectfully disgraced and embarrassed one of the rabbanim in his city. The Or HaChaim spoke with that rav, and advised him, for the sake of peace, to forgive the rosh hakahol for his unkind words. The rosh hakahol replied, “You don’t have to speak with me about this, because the moment he spoke out against me, I had already forgiven him. The Zohar says that the sins of the Jewish people weigh heavily on the Shechinah and cause the Shechinah pain. Therefore, to save the Shechinah from distress, I immediately forgive those who sin against me, so the Shechinah shouldn’t have tzaar due to their sins.” The Or HaChaim praised the rav immensely for this. The Chida writes that therefore, Chazal (Rosh Hashanah 17) say, when one forgives others, all of his sins are atoned for. The explanation is, if you are cautious to forgive others, because you don’t want the Shechinah to have tzaar from their sins, then your sins will be forgiven as well, so the Shechinah shouldn’t have tzaar from your sins, either.