09 Dec PARSHAS VAYEISHEV: BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS

And it was on the
third day, which was
Pharaoh’s birthday,
and he made a feast
for all of his servants.
Bereishis 40:20
Does the Torah have a
perspective on birthday celebrations? Are
there Torah sources for such a custom or is
it a foreign idea from general culture that we
must decide to embrace or not? Assuming it
is a positive practice, are there recommended
ways to mark birthdays or special milestone
ages? We will see different opinions on
these questions in halachic works as well as
in the actual practices of poskim and their
families.
Is a Birthday Cause for Celebration?

The Gemara (Eruvin 13b) recounts a long-
standing debate between Beis Shammai and

Beis Hillel over whether it would have been
better for a person never to have been born,
since life always includes suffering as well
as the inevitable violation of aveiros. The
Gemara ultimately concludes with the
startling statement that it would have been
better for people to have never been born.
Based on this passage, Sefer Divrei Torah
(5:88) writes that the anniversary of one’s
birth is not cause for celebration, and indeed,
quite the contrary, is an unhappy day. Why
should we celebrate our birth if the Gemara
says that it would have been better if we
were never born? He, thus, opposed birthday
celebrations.
However, Tosafos (s.v. Noach) points out
that this Gemara seems to contradict another
Gemara (Avodah Zarah 5a), which demands
that we show gratitude to our forefathers,
without whom we would never have been
born, implying that it was good that we were
born and we should be thankful for it.
Tosafos resolves the contradiction that
while it is true that for an average person it
would have been better not to be born, a
tzaddik is certainly better off having been
born, and he should be thankful for it. Rav
Hershel Schachter understands the term
“tzaddik” in this context to refer to one who
is a shomer Torah u’mitzvos, and thus, if we
accept Rav Schachter’s definition, the
argument and proof of the Divrei Torah
would not apply to Jews who fulfill the
mitzvos.
Another opinion in opposition to birthday
celebrations is the Sefer Otzar Kol Minhagei
Yeshurun who points out that the only time
we find mention of a birthday celebration in
ancient Jewish literature is the case of
Pharaoh making a party for his servants

(Bereishis 40:20).
However, the overwhelming majority of
poskim find nothing wrong with birthday
celebrations, and many see such a custom in
a very positive light. Rav Moshe Feinstein
(Iggeros Moshe O.C. 1:104), in the course
of discussing the propriety of a bas mitzvah
celebration, says that it is no more than a
glorified birthday party, which itself is only
a seudas reshus. The implication of this
statement is that while there is no reason to
specifically encourage such a seudah, there
is also no objection to it. Indeed, it is
reported that Rav Moshe would expect and
eagerly anticipate a phone call from his
grandchildren on his birthday.
Rav Ovadiah Yosef (Yechaveh Da’as 2:29,
among other places), in addressing this
comment of Rav Moshe’s, writes that a bas
mitzvah is indeed a special occasion on
which we celebrate a girl’s becoming
obligated in mitzvos. Furthermore, Rav
Ovadiah continues, even if it were nothing
more than a birthday party, it would still be
a seudas mitzvah if divrei Torah were
recited. He clearly sees a birthday party that
is celebrated in a Torah spirit as a positive
custom to be encouraged. Similarly, the Ben
Ish Chai (Parshas Re’eh 17) writes that
birthday celebrations are a nice custom, and
that he encouraged them in his own family.
Additionally, the Chasam Sofer (Sefer Toras
Moshe, Parshas Vayeira) discusses the
general custom to celebrate birthdays, and
claims that Avraham made such a celebration
for Yitzchak on the anniversary of his bris
milah, thus finding a partial source for it in
the Torah.
Celebrating and Thanking Hashem on
Birthdays
Obviously, the notion of a party where
people simply eat and mingle, without any
Torah or mitzvah content, would not have
any significance from a Torah perspective.
How do the poskim who support birthday
celebrations envision celebrating it so that it
has meaning?
Rav Yosef Engel (Shut Ginzei Yosef 4)
writes that some “anshei ma’aseh” have the
custom to recite a shehecheyanu over a new
fruit or a new garment on their birthdays.
The acharonim (Pri Megadim, Mishbetzos
Zahav, O.C. 444:9, Hagahos Chasam Sofer
O.C. 222) debate whether this beracha
should be recited with shem u’malchus. As
mentioned above, Rav Ovadiah Yosef
(Yabia Omer, O.C. 6:29) describes having a
meal with divrei Torah, and he refers to it as
a seudas mitzvah.

In a fascinating description, the Ksav Sofer
(Yoreh Deah 148) writes that he celebrated
his fiftieth birthday by making a public
siyum on Maseches Pesachim and
“Thanking Hashem for bringing me to this
point in my life, and for giving me the
strength to learn and teach Torah.” He also
took the opportunity to pray that Hashem
should “Help me continue to work for His
sake and the sake of His Torah” and that
Hashem should be with him as He was with
his forefathers, “in the battle to promote the
growth of Torah, to rebuild the many
breaches that have been made in the Torah,
and be saved from those who speak evil of
our Torah.”
Additionally, the Gemara (Moed Katan 28a)
records that when Rav Yosef turned sixty
years old, he made a “yoma tava
lerabanan”— a party for the rabbis, implying
that major milestones are especially worthy
of celebration. Indeed, the Kaf HaChaim
writes that one should recite a shehecheyanu
(preferably with a new fruit or garment) on
his sixtieth birthday, in celebration of the
fact that he is now past the lifespan of one
who is chayav kareis.
Similarly, the Chavos Yair (70) writes that
one should make a special seudah and recite
shehecheyanu on his seventieth birthday.
Tehillim (70:10) declares that the average
lifespan of a person is seventy years, and,
therefore, a person should thank Hashem for
having lived a “full” life at this point.
Indeed, Ruchoma Shain (All For The Boss)
reports that her father, Rav Yaakov Yosef
Herman zt”l, held a celebration upon turning
70 for this exact reason.
Personal Reflection and Teshuvah on
Birthdays
Birthdays are not just meaningful days to
thank Hashem and celebrate; they are
appropriate times to reflect and grow in
avodas Hashem. Kuntrus Ohel Leah (written
by the son of the Ksav Sofer and printed at
the beginning of Ksav Sofer Al HaTorah)
records an incident when a student went to
visit the Ksav Sofer and found him crying.
The student asked his rebbi why he was
crying, and the Ksav Sofer responded that it
was his fifty-fourth birthday. He had begun
to judge himself (because dan, the Hebrew
word for judge, has a gematria of fifty-four),
and had realized that he had not
accomplished nearly as much as he should
have in his fifty-four years in this world. He
sensed that he was lacking in Torah
knowledge and righteousness and was
moved to tears by this realization.
The Talmud Yerushalmi (Rosh Hashanah

3:8) records that when Amalek attacked the
Jewish people, they strategically placed
those with birthdays on the front lines,
believing their mazal was stronger on that
day. The Korban HaEdah explains that one’s
birthday brings special mazal that may be
helpful in risky situations. The Chida
(Chomas Anach, Iyov 3) points out that this
is not merely a belief among the pagan
nations like Amalek, but is deeply rooted in
kabbalistic sources, writing that on one’s
birthday one’s mazal is particularly strong.
Based on this, Rav Chaim Palagi (Sefer
Tzedakah la-Chaim) writes that one should
give extra tzedakah on his birthday because
the increased mazal of the day will allow a
person’s actions to have a greater impact on
his overall personality and character.
Similarly, the Sefer Arvei Nachal (Parshas
Shemini cited by Sefer Minhag Yisrael
Torah p. 264) writes that when a person
focuses his efforts on a particular positive
character trait on his birthday, Hashem will
supply extra help to continue along that
path.
Celebrating the Birthdays of Others
While most of the above sources discuss
how a person should mark his own birthday,
it is also important to consider how we
should celebrate the birthdays of others.
Indeed, such occasions are an excellent time
to express our appreciation and love to
others, and if we are looking for Torah
sources, that is certainly a fulfillment of
“ve’ahavta l’rei’acha kamocha.” As an
example of such a mindset, the Sefer
Aparkasta D’Anya (123) records that the
Tiferes Yisrael insisted that his children
write notes of mazal tov to each other on
their birthdays to show their love for one
another. Similarly, the Sefer HaKattan
V’Hilchosav (chapter 84) writes that the
Jews of Yerushalayim made a birthday
celebration for their rabbi, Rav Shmuel
Salant, in honor of his seventieth and
eightieth birthdays respectively, and as a
form of celebration, Rav Salant sent the
number of coins